Sing a rainbow!

2009-02-15T21:07:00.002+08:00

Five Loaves and Two Fishes- Corrinne May

A little boy of thirteen was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing and he went to take a look
Thousands were listening to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom, even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly, the day turned to night
Everyone was hungry but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do, there were thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
The kindness in His smile
And the boy cried out
With the trust of a child he said:

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you willI surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all"

I often think about that boy when I'm feeling small
And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
And every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small... No gift is too small

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmuWmXX2mCU

2009-01-12T00:19:00.005+08:00

The SFX combined youth camp just ended today. It was great! God is great (:

Haha okay I shall go off to bed now. Maybe I will blog about it another time. Tmr I shall wake up and face a brand new day and get down to doing smth constructive with my post-A level life!!

Love the Lord your God
With all your heart
With all your soul
With all your mind
And with all your strength

With all your heart
With all your soul
With all your mind
And with all your strength

I will serve the Lord
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And with all my strength

I will love You (I will love You)
I will praise You (I will praise You)
I will serve You, Lord (I will serve You)
I will trust You, Lord (I will trust You)

I will love You Lord
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And with all my strength

2008-11-24T00:14:00.002+08:00

The As have been over for like 4 days, but it seems like they have been for a long time already (:
Haha okay so now its time for some post-As reflections!

I think that, spiritually, I have learned a lot from this A level period. Perhaps next time when I look back on hindsight I might even find that what I learnt was far more impt than my grades themselves.

Prior to the As, I was quite pleased with how I did for my prelims. I was certain that in the period leading up to the As I would absorb even higher level stuff/ become even more familiar with all the content/ totally internalise all the history stuff that needed memorising. I envisioned myself totally breezing through my As with minimal stress, much unlike the uncertainty and fears of the prelims.

So I was very very disappointed with how my SEAhist paper turned out. I somehow missed out the "newly independent" part of the democracy question, got confused while writing abt decol, and my IS tensions essay was short due to time management problems. On the whole I just felt that I hadn't performed as well as I could have. I had wanted my A levels to be perfect- I would write the best essays I had ever written, I would totally show off everything I had learnt. I felt that I had let myself down in the end, esp since I was expecting SEAhist to be my better history paper.

I moped arnd for part of the wkend after SEAhist, though I felt much better after the exam prayer session in church where I was reminded that God is in control of my exam results. Okay, I thought, I will try to surrender more to God, I will try to do better for my 2nd history paper. Next came GP and Math paper 1, which were okay. I didn't finish my AQ, and I think I made a lot of careless mistakes for Math, but I wasn't too disappointed. I had revised my initial, overly high expectations and anyway there were a lot of papers the next wk which I had to start preparing for.

But I had caught a terrible cold during math paper 1 and this is when the real trouble started. The cold soon developed into a flu and then into a sort of asthma attack/ bronchitis kinda thing. Math paper 2 was alright since math doesn't need a lot of studying just before the exam, but it was quite torturous mugging for the 4 papers in a row the next week (Lit 1, Econs 1 & 2 and History 1) while coughing and feeling unwell. I went to see the doctor and told him not to give me any medicine which would make me drowsy, because I needed to be alert during my papers and I needed to do a lot of last minute mugging! I didn't know it then, but so the medicine he gave me made me unable to sleep instead. It was really bad! I couldn't fall asleep for 4-5 nights in a row. Like the night before the morning Lit paper I went to sleep at about 3am- and I'm a person needs a lot of sleep!

All this while, I was praying very hard. There was nth else I could do! I was sick, mysteriously unable to sleep at night, and hence also unable to get much proper studying done. God was very faithful. He worked many miracles for me. I would pray and ask for a huge miracle- "Lord, please work a miracle. Help me to finish studying for Econs in time because I have no energy and so few hours left"- and He would give me what I asked for, even as I ended up having to ask for more and more miracles (all the time saying that this would be the last time I was going to ask for one!).

The change in my rship with God came when I found out, the night before my IH paper (the 2nd last paper), that the medicine was the cause of my sleepless nights. I got very angry with God. Before, it was easy to think that perhaps, God was afflicting me with sickness and insomnia because He wanted me to relax, He wanted me to see that the As weren't so impt, He had a plan for me etc. Now that I knew the cause of at least my insomnia, I began to feel very angry, and wondered why God was allowing all this to happen to me, why I had to waste so many precious sleepless hours which could have been spent studying, why I had to suffer so much during my As when all I wanted to do was to concentrate on studying. There was a lot of self-pity in all this I know, and I was aware of it at that point in time. But still, for the first time ever, I was very angry and frustrated with God, and I told Him so.

I feel that that was a breakthrough in my rship with Him, because there is now a new level of honesty. There is also greater acknowledgment that indeed, God is totally in control of all aspects of my life. This is smth I'm still having trouble with because very often, my pride gets in the way. In fact, after my SEAhist paper, I felt a little resentful even, because I felt/ knew that through my disappointing performance God was reminding me that He is ultimately still the one in control. I had prayed hard during my prelims because I felt unprepared, and my whole post-prelim-pre-A level prep was motivated by the thought of preventing that from happening again. I wanted to be in control of my A levels. I didn't want to have to leave it up to God and his plan/ whims and fancies. But eventually, I ended up having to pray even harder, and I didn't like having to do that.

I say that there is greater acknowledgment that God is in control now because even as I was mad at Him the day before my History paper, I still (had to) turn(ed) to Him for help. And He responded by working yet another miracle that week, by making the History paper turn out okay- I could answer 3 essay questions (just nice) even though I had memorised so little the day before it was highly likely I couldn't find 3 questions to answer.

After History, my sickness ran its course and I got well before the last Lit paper. Haha in time to play after the end of As! Lit turned out to be a good end to the As because unlike many of my other papers I actually completed 3 whole essays w conclusions and all that, and it actually turned out better than expected! (:

Yay okay I'm nearing the end of this really long winded post. Hm perhaps I made the As out to be more terrible than they actually were above. Perhaps I took the As, the prelims and in fact all my academic studies in JC too seriously. I dunno. But I think I've def grown a lot over the As. Not in the way I would have liked it, but I'm grateful anyhow, and I'm fully aware of how I'm alr v v lucky and blessed and that I'm really too self-absorbed.

Many fun weeks ahead! I'll end here :D

2008-09-18T10:15:00.006+08:00

Haha I haven't blogged for the longest time and I doubt anyone even comes here anymore, but I ought to get this down so that I won't forget.

The prelims ended yesterday, and I'm extremely grateful for how God saw me through it. There were days when I felt I was so unprepared, like for SEAhist and Lit paper 3. My biggest fear was that I would have nothing write and that the 3 hours would be so agonising. But when I went for morning prayer, I just surrendered it all to God. Mr Lee also reminded me of something I often forget- that all we should seek for in our exams is to give glory to God. These papers turned out alright in the end!

I just want to thank God for how He's helped me come so far. Academically, JC hasn't been that great for me. In secondary school it was very different. There was no stress and never a lot of emphasis on academics, because we didn't have to sit for the O levels. I just did my best for every exam, and my best was always enough. I was satisfied with my results, which weren't stellar but were probably above average.

I think part of the problem in JC was my subject combi. I enjoy my history and literature lessons, but I'm not naturally talented in the humanities. So suddenly I was faced with a whole new situation- I tried my best as usual, but now my best was somehow not enough. It was a very steep learning curve I must say, and there were many times I felt very inadequate. But now, everything seems to be falling into place. I have taken the mock A levels and they weren't too bad after all (: I still have a lot of studying to do, but the A levels don't really seem so scary anymore.

So I'm really thankful for how God has seen me through all of this. I wonder sometimes how things would be different, or even easier, if I had taken science instead. But I guess there is a reason for everything, and I must trust in God's perfect plan. Perhaps these 2 years have been a time for becoming more vulnerable, more reliant on God, and through this my relationship with Him has grown. Looking back, I do see God's hand at work. In secondary school, God gave me many blessings. He made everything work out well for me. In JC, it was a new kind of relationship. Things did not go that well for me, not just in my studies. But my weak faith was brought to a deeper level through these. (Haha I'm talking about JC in the past tense even though I'm still in it! But I'm referring to the past 1 and 3/4 years la.)

Something which continues to be a great strength for me is 3 separate testimonies I heard from 3 people in church. The first I heard in sec 3. This person shared with me her struggles in the O levels, to do well enough so that she could get into JC. She prayed very hard about it, and finally, God gave her the minimum score she needed to get into a JC. The same struggle was repeated during her A levels, and again she prayed very hard because she knew she could not do it on her own strength. Once again, God gave her the minimum score necessary to get into a university. Now, she is a teacher in charge of the pastoral program in an IJ school and I believe that she will be a great source of inspiration to others!

The next sharing was during a homily/ sermon by my new parish priest at mass maybe 1-2 months back. He was sharing about how he was sent to Rome to do a masters in church history/ bible studies (not sure haha) some years ago. The entire course was taught in Italian, which he had only taken very basic lessons in 2 months prior to that. Naturally then he struggled through the course and wanted to give up many times. His final exam was to be a kind of oral exam with the professor- in Italian, of course. He prayed very hard about it, praying that God would give him the gift of tongues so that he would suddenly be able to speak fluent Italian. This, however, did not happen during the exam, which he stumbled through and expected to definitely fail. But, when the results came out, it turned out that he did very well, better than some the Italian priests themselves in fact. God, my priest said, did not give him the gift of tongues that day, but He had instead given the Italian professor the gift of interpretation of tongues, thus enabling him to understand the garbled Italian of my priest.

Finally, that same day, someone else shared about his experiences in university. He said that although he studied very hard, there were a few modules he took that he somehow couldn't understand. During the exams for each of these modules, he could not answer most of the questions, and prayed very hard throughout, for it seemed impossible for him to pass. If he failed he would have to retake these modules the next year. However, God was always faithful, God always saw him through, giving him, on the dot, the necessary minimum of a D grade to pass.

Taken together, the very strong message that comes out from these testimonies for me is that God will always give us what we need. There are many things that we might want, but God knows us better than we know ourselves, and will always make sure that we get what we need. And I think sometimes He just lets us scrape by, so that we will remember that we have done it only through Him and because of Him, and definitely not by our own strength.

There are a lot of uncertainties going to come up, and I am a person who hates uncertainties. So I am filled with great hope, because I know that even though I am quite clueless about uni apps to overseas universities, even though I am not confident of getting 4 As for the A levels or about getting a scholarship to go overseas to study, God will always make sure that I get to the place which will be best for me, according to his perfect plan. (:

2008-07-22T22:11:00.003+08:00

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"-- Matthew 6:26

Thank you God for always being there for me, at all the times I least expect it.

On a separate note, I need to concentrate on studying! I'm really distracted with so many things going on. And my h3 being quite unfinished makes things even harder :(

2008-06-18T16:34:00.002+08:00

Jesus, Lover of My Soul

Jesus, Lover of my soul,
Jesus, I will never let you go
You’ve taken me from the miry clay
You've set my feet upon the rock, and now i know

I love you, I need you,
Though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go
My Saviour, my closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end

Cute 6-year-old girl singing the song here (:

Confirmation camp was great! Ah I should write everything properly when I have the time. But very briefly I think it was a great learning experience for myself as well. The camp reminded me of what I had forgotten/ come to take for granted- that God can work in truly amazing and huge ways, and that all we have to do is to surrender ourselves to Him and let Him use us as His instruments. I could really feel the Spirit moving throughout the Camp and especially so during the morning prayer sessions when everyone just came together to pray with one heart for the Confirmants to be touched by God. I went to the camp very unprepared, with my own struggles and distractions, and I must say, it was an extremely humbling experience, to just surrender everything to God because I was so inadequate myself. Touch time was a big struggle for me when it had never been previously. I found myself trying to preach, or at a loss for what to say. Only when I relaxed and let the Spirit take control did everything fall into place. During the last sharing on the last day, when the Confirmants finally opened up and shared about how they had grew during the camp, it was just great, and I know that it was God who made all this possible. Ahh since camp ended on Monday studying has been sooo difficult. But I know that it must be the devil at work! Everytime I feel extremely convicted about God the devil will always start attacking me doubly hard, that I've come to realise. So I must persevere and not let him win this time!

Alright back to studying then! I've got a ton of studying to do. I have no idea how I'm going to finish :( God I need your help!!

Yay okay I shall end with a photo of wonderful group 4 (:

2008-04-15T20:03:00.003+08:00

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."- 2 Cor 12: 7-10

Ah I dunno what to say, but this was so powerful I had to post it up.

2008-03-01T21:58:00.002+08:00

"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."- 1 Samuel 16:7

"but the Lord looks at the heart". Such a simple truth, so beautiful in its simplicity! I can really really feel God's unconditional love radiating though. It tells me that despite all my insecurities, all my fears, the million things I don't like about myself, all that matters to God is that I have a heart that seeks Him, a heart that loves Him.

And I really pray for the strength to just be God's little instrument in this world, if He so wishes it. Many a time I find the pressures of this world too hard to bear, and my internal battles too tiring to fight. I pray for the courage to let go of all of these (it's all self-centeredness, really), to live radically for God. I aspire to live like Mother Theresa did, always with a smile on her face despite all the dirty work she did, all the suffering she saw, and despite 50 years of having no God in her heart.

I don't know. It's easy to get all spiritually high and fired up when you are in church, or in prayer, or even when typing out a blog post such as this one, but then it has to come to an end, and its the real world again. Which is hard, because I guess I'm not all that in touch with God yet.

But oh well I shall end here then. Because all my blog posts always tend to revolve around these same few issues. And I'm still unsure about whether it is pretentious to blog about God like this even though He seems to think it is okay, and I like blogging cos it helps me organise my thoughts/ it feels quite natural, and I was very inspired by this blog I read where the person was super honest about herself. Yes alright so I shall go off and face the world with COURAGE, and go off and conquer some fears now (:

2008-02-26T23:37:00.002+08:00

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."- Matthew 11:28

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."- Isaiah 40:30-31

2008-02-05T22:48:00.000+08:00

I will Run to You- Hillsong United

Your eye is on the sparrow
And Your hand, it comforts me
From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart
Let Your mercy and strength be seen

You call me to Your purpose
As angels understand
For Your glory, may You draw all men
As Your love and grace demand

And I will run to You
To Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the spirit of God

Yes I will run the race
Till I see Your face
Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace

Ah this song is really nice! We sang it at the Hearts on Fire rally on Sunday, which was really good!! It seems like it wasn't so long ago I went for last year's and I blogged about the verse that struck me most at the rally- "Speak Lord, Your servant is listening." I think I understand this verse a lot better now, one year on. This process of discovery hasn't been easy, but yes I must persevere in this life-long race to see Him face to face (: And I just pray for the strength that can come only from the Holy Spirit to sustain me!

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

2008-01-21T16:48:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a really great day! I had so many things to thank God for! He really works miracles. Small miracles, but miracles all the same :D

Today shall be a good day too! I shall be industrious and prep a lot for SATs. There. Now I've put it down on my blog I've got to do it!

Oh and I went for the Jay Chou concert on Saturday!! It was really fun! Everyone was super high. During the last part of the concert the whole indoor stadium was standing up! Actually from the start quite a lot of people were standing up alr. And everyone knew all the lyrics of his songs. Our seats were good! They were quite near the side of the stage. So everytime Jay Chou came over we would run to the front barricade to wave :D

Haha I don't even like Jay Chou that much. But it was a really really fun concert! If I'm not too lazy I shall post some photos (:

2008-01-13T21:22:00.000+08:00

Servant Song- by Donna Marie McGargill

What do you want of me, Lord?
Where do You want me to serve You?
Where can I sing Your praises?
I am Your song.

Jesus, Jesus, You are the Lord.
Jesus, Jesus, You are the way.

I heard You call me name, Lord,
and I am moved within me.
Your Spirit stirs my deepest self.
Sing Your songs in me.

Above, below, and around me.
Before, behind and all through me,
Your Spirit burns deep within me.
Fire my life with Your love.

You are the light in my darkness.
You are my strength when I'm weary.
You give me sight when I'm blinded.
Come see for me.

This afternoon in church we had the Young Peoples' Forum, which went really well! The turn out was much better than expected, and people really had a lot of good suggestions to make. During the exposition of the Blessed Sacrament we sang the Servant Song, which is such a beautiful song! and which I think verbalised perfectly the deep desire of everyone gathered there. I really pray that we will be able to move on from here, that the enthusiasm of all gathered will be harnessed, and that we will be able to carry out the many great ideas. Like we sang at the start of the session, "there's gonna be a great awakening, there's gonna be a great revival in our land" yay!

Today I had a reminder of how, truly, God answers prayers. I had been praying quite hard for the past week, and was especially worried about something yesterday, but today God answered my prayers, and more than that, He gave me blessings I had never expected. Indeed, if only we have faith as large as a tiny mustard seed, all things are possible! (:

Ahhh the week ahead looks long and dreary, its been an exhausting weekend, and even though its only the third week of the year, I'm tired of school already. But I will place my hope in the Lord, I will keep seeking my purpose and direction in life, and I will just feel perfectly blessed and thankful because I know God and I know that He loves me (: So yup I shall take a deep breath and plunge straight into the week, knowing that all things will come to pass!

PS. Hear the Servant Song HERE (:

2008-01-06T20:26:00.000+08:00

I hate the world and its values! And I hate the way I can't help but get caught up in them :(

So my New Year's resolution of sorts is based on this verse:
"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." -Matthew 18

To be child-like, to have a pure and simple heart. That is what I hope for this year! I shall draw hope from this:
"... because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."- Matthew 17:20

Ah just by typing all these out I feel inspired and hopeful already (: But I think its going to be a hard year. I want to do like Jude said and let my current self, with all its bad ways, die. Yet, like he said, we often sing 'One way, Jesus', but what we/I actually mean is 'My way, Jesus'.

2007-12-29T22:36:00.000+08:00

Very very nice song!

I can almost see,
Your holiness,
As I look around this place.

With my arms stretched out,
To receive Your love,
I can see You face to face.

Spirit of God, lift me up,
Spirit of God, lift me up,
Fill me again with Your love,
Sweet spirit of God.

2007-12-22T13:56:00.000+08:00

I should blog about my trips before I forget about them!

K about my first trip with my family to Ho Chi Minh city in Vietnam from the 4th to the 8th of Dec first :)

We visited the War Remnants Museum which was basically this museum about the Vietnam War. There was also quite a bit on the First Indochina War.

Here's the sign to the museum!

My dad and I :)

Yup and although they said that everything there were historic truths, the account of the wars in the museum was quite biased haha. But I guess in that way the museum really showed the wars from the point of view of the Vietnamese.

The things there were quite frightening. Apparently during the Vietnam War the Americans sprayed this pesticide thing called Agent Orange Dioxin on the Vietnamese using helicopters.

This chemical led to many horrible side effects like those in the photos below.

Some babies were born with terrible deformities as result too. Don't know if you can see it in the photo properly, but there was actually 2 glass jars with dead babies in them.

There were also many other gross photos which showed the suffering people go through during wars. This one shows an American soldier holding up the remains of a Vietnamese. I can't really remember what the English translation of the caption said, but it was something like, "American GI holds up shreds of Vietcong".

We visited the Cu Chi Tunnels as well. Its a very long and deep underground network of tunnels (more than 200km long!) which the Vietnamese used first in their fight against the French, and then against the Americans.

The tunnels were made really really small and narrow so that the western soldiers wouldn't be able to get in. Haha here I am getting into one.

The Vietnamese are super ingenious! They camouflaged their air holes to provide ventilation for the tunnels in termite nests so that they wouldn't be found. And because they did their cooking underground, they specially redirected the smoke from the cooking far away from the tunnels. In fact, because they were so clever, the Americans didn't know about the tunnels until very much later. They even built an air base right over the tunnels!

We got to try to crawl through a very small part of the tunnel system. It had already been enlarged to accomodate western tourists and some lights had been installed, but it was really difficult! The tunnels were very hot and stuffy, plus you had to alternate between waddling like a duck and crawling on your knees. I really can't imagine what it must have been like for the Vietcong who spent so much time in those tunnels- and so many of them inside too!

We also got to see a lot of the booby traps the Vietnamese used, like this one.

But I think, even after seeing all these Vietnam War stuff, I will never be able to understand what they really went through/ what it's really like in a war. At the Cu Chi Tunnels the guide was showing us bomb craters, and I knew that the tunnel I was in was the very same one so many Vietnamese soldiers had been in, but it just felt so distant and so surreal. Just like when I was at the Thai-Burmese border during my ISLE trip and the Burmese soldiers, the landmines, and the abandoned Burmese village was just there. Ah we in Singapore really have too good a life!

Aside from these, we did a little more sight-seeing. Vietnam has quite a lot of nice architecture left over from the colonial period. Like this Catholic church:

And this post office:

This is me inside the post office. See the photo of Ho Chi Minh at the back! He's everywhere. Kinda like the king in Thailand.

The rest of the time we did a lot of shopping and eating. Haha our hotel was near this very big market so we went there almost everyday to shop! Shopping's quite scary though, because the Vietnamese people are very aggressive. They will grab you when you walk past their shop and try to get you to buy.

Crossing the roads to get to the market was also scary! There are many many motor bikes on the roads of Vietnam and they don't follow the traffic rules! There is a lot of horning going on too.

Vietnamese food isn't very nice. Everything is very sweet. But we did eat a lot of nice non-Vietnamese food haha. Actually I think the district we stayed in was quite touristy. A lot of places accepted US dollars and there were a lot of western tourists/ business people walking arnd. We didn't eat at any of those road-side stalls and stuff and we took cabs everywhere because they were very cheap. Yeah so even though it was a trip to a not so affluent country I think we only saw the richer parts, and we lived very comfortably. So I guess that's kinda sad in a sense? Cos we didn't really experience real Vietnamese life, whatever that is.

Ah okay that's about all for Vietnam! I shall end off with a photo of our whole family outside a very pretty Vietnamese fusion food restaurant:

Heh I hope I find my other memory card soon so I can upload my Chiangmai photos. Yay many photos of cute kids!! :D

2007-12-20T17:25:00.000+08:00

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one"- Mother Teresa

2007-12-19T11:46:00.000+08:00

Got this from Sharyn's MSN nick:

Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)
"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

So that's where the phrase mighty to save comes from. Haha our fave P&W song at church camp! Ah the chorus keeps playing over and over in my head. It's such a nice song :D

Mighty to Save- Hillsong Australia
Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

Yay church camp was really good! After the outpouring session I really feel that my life is different already (:

2007-12-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.
A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways.
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.

In love, you express your emotions through actions.
Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well!

At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

What's Your Personality Type?

Got back yesterday from Chiangmai and will be off to Vietnam tmr! Omg I have to wake up in 4 hours time to go to the airport k should go off now byeee!

2007-11-14T20:57:00.000+08:00

There is a season for everything, a time for every occupation under heaven:

A time for giving birth,
a time for dying;
a time for planting,
a time for uprooting what has been planted.
A time for killing,
A time for healing;
a time for knocking down,
a time for building.
A time for tears,
a time for laughter;
a time for mourning,
a time for dancing.
A time for throwing stones away,
a time for gathering them;
a time for embracing,
a time to refrain from embracing.
A time for searching,
a time for losing;
a time for keeping,
a time for discarding.
A time for tearing,
a time for sewing;
a time for keeping silent,
a time for speaking.
A time for loving,
a time for hating;
a time for war,
a time for peace.

-- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

2007-11-13T17:55:00.000+08:00

Amanda Chong's 2004 prize-winning Commonwealth essay "What the Modern Woman Wants" has been circulating around through email again. I read the essay in sec 2 but reading it this time with the benefit of greater maturity has really evoked different emotions and I feel I read with much greater understanding and appreciation.

The story is so deeply saddening! The mother prayed very hard that her daughter would have a life different from hers, and yet when her daughter did indeed gain wealth and success this was achieved at such a great cost.

While I did feel that the plot verged a little on the overly dramatic and sentimental, it is, sadly, a very accurate and jarring reflection of society today. There does seem to be a growing lack of filial piety, as seen in the oft-cited example of how parents have to resort to suing their children for financial support in their old age. Even more worrying is this general lack of happiness although all the statistics (standard of living, economic growth rates, number of millionaires in the country etc.) tell us that we have never had it so good before.

"The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes. Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter left the earth everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.

The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there - down."

I think this is a reminder for all of us trying (be it unconsciously or not) to live up to the modern standards of success, that these are really not what matters. We must be careful of losing ourselves in the pursuit of these transient things. It is indeed very sad to be searching for the meaning of life in these dead things (a high-flying job, good paper qualifications, wealth etc.) and to have suck so deep that you cannot even see or understand what is going wrong.

'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda. 'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love,Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her
old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...

Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10% increase!' Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her...
And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.

Ahh I really like the concluding line of the essay. It is written so beautifully. It is so amazing that Amanda Chong was able to write such an insightful essay so fluently and beautifully when she was just 15.

Everybody should read the essay again! Haha I think I just spoilt it quite a bit but nevermind. Read it here.

And I just pray, that even as I am/ we are aware of the sillyness of modern life, that I/ we will be able to extricate ourselves from it. Because it is so, so, so hard to do so. Even though I know all this, I cannot live it out.

I put some of the blame on the school environment and the values the teachers and schoolmates propagate. But at the end of the day it is what I myself make of it isn't it. I am the one who chooses to place the stress on myself to excel. Excel for what reason? When I do stop to ask myself why I realise there is no good reason. But I don't stop and reflect on this often. Competitiveness/ pride/ envy is so deeply ingrained in me. It's part of me, it's my nature. And I hate that about myself.

But of course, human beings are imperfect. We have so many very human weaknesses, which makes our lives on earth so silly. Which is why I guess I just have to keep reminding myself about all of this. Because it just makes me more eager to go up to heaven, where all our weaknesses will be stripped away, and our dirty hearts cleansed and healed.

As for competitiveness/ pride/ envy, all I can do is to ask God to enter my heart and purify it, to change me from within. Which is why this is now one of my fave songs, and I lift it up in prayer:

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

(Chorus)
Refiner's fire
My hearts one desire is to be holy
Set apart for You Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You my master,
Ready to do Your will.

Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within and make my holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin, deep within

2007-11-09T17:39:00.000+08:00

A benign dictatorship

Howard French ("China's new paradigm: A thriving dictatorship," Letter from China, Nov. 3) could have been talking about Singapore.

Singapore shows what can happen when long-range planning is executed by a group of men and women carefully chosen by ability without the distractions of special interests.

As an American living in Singapore, I have had the opportunity to see the differences between the United States and Singapore.

Singapore can only be regarded as a benevolent dictatorship, with controlled media, one-party politics and little public debate over public policy.

And yet when compared to America's democracy it is hard to see exactly why this is a bad thing. Democracy in the United States has brought the corrosive influence of big money, public policy shaped for special interests, a voting public that feels disenfranchised, and a government structure so fractured that it is impossible for anyone to substantively address the major issues.

Perhaps the important question is: If the future of the public at large is to be decided, planned and executed by a small group of specialists, then how are those specialists chosen and how do we know that their plans are in alignment with the common good?

Wayne Herbert, Singapore
(A letter from the International Herald Tribune)

Yes, my sentiments exactly!

2007-10-28T17:33:00.000+08:00

The Potter's Hand- Hillsong United

Beautiful Lord, wonderful Saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in Your hands, crafted into Your perfect plan
You gently call me into Your presence guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, mould me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

You gently call me into your presence guiding me by your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live through Your eyes
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

2007-10-18T23:47:00.000+08:00

A really really cute 6-year-old girl who got to the final of Britain's Got Talent. She's apparently really popular in Britain. Here she sings Over The Rainbow at the auditions:

My blog doesn't show embedded videos properly so link to the video is here!

Super cute!!

2007-10-10T21:13:00.000+08:00

Alex Fong is so cute!! He acts in My Family which is showing on channel 8 every night at 7pm, and did you know! He used to be a professional swimmer and represented Hong Kong at the 2000 Olympics! So cool right!

He can sing too! See these! Extreme Love (duet with Stephy Tang), Self-deception (a very nice duet with Theresa Fu), and Hao Hao Lian Ai (another duet with Stephy Tang).

Yay I shall go off to watch more MVs now! :D

2007-10-08T21:59:00.001+08:00

Lunch to celebrate my brother's bday! Yay its such a pretty family photo :D

2007-10-03T21:45:00.000+08:00

Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janerio. One of the new 7 wonders of the world:

So beautiful right! I really want to go there on holiday!

2007-09-26T22:14:00.000+08:00

Aw!

2007-09-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPSUrR3ipQc

A very very moving video. It made me cry!

2007-07-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

"If we say we love God, but hate others, we are liars. For we cannot love God, whom we have not seen, if we do not love others, whom we have seen."(1 John 4:20)

2007-07-13T23:17:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged in a long time cos I've been lazy.

But I am feeling happy and hopeful now cos its a friday night! So I shall blog to remember stuff I learnt today.

At prayer mtg this morning we read The Screwtape Letters again. Today's letter was about love, about how the love we have for others i.e. our parents, friends, is a selfish kind of love. It is very often the case that we love our family and friends because of what they can do for us. This is not true love, this is unlike the unconditional love God has for us.

But how do we come to love unconditionally as God does? Mr Lee said since Jesus said, you must love your neighbour as yourself, before you can love your neighbour properly, you have to first love yourself. Only when you love yourself, can you be comfortable and content with your state in life. Thus you will not love only on the condition of gaining something from the other person. You will be free to be a conduit for God's true love.

I think that this is something I have a v big problem with. I am a perfectionist. This makes life v tiring and difficult for me cos I am always not happy with who I am and what I do. I know my flaws, and I don't like them. I keep wanting to be someone different, someone "better" than what I am now. I am also a v judgemental person, and so I just as I judge others, I judge myself too/ I expect myself to be judged by others.

And so I don't think I really do love unconditionally. I don't think I even understand what it means to love unconditionally, actually. I love my family, but is it because they provide me with food, money, a sense of belonging/ home, and love? I love my friends, but is it just because they are fun to be with and they provide a listening ear? It seems that I love these people only because of what they can provide me.

Even my love for God. Why do I love God anyway? Is it just cos He's always there for me and He helps me in times of need and answers my prayers? Is it because I want to go to heaven? Are these valid reasons for loving God? Should there even be reasons for loving God?

Haha this is getting v depressing. So I think I shall take things one step at a time! I shall work on loving myself first. Yes, I must remember that I am God's special creation, and that He made me this way for a reason! He is the divine Creator so who am I to question/ be discontented with the way I am? Furthermore, God loves me for no reason at all! He loves me just for being me, and that is the most important and the best thing of all! :D

Plus! I must also remember not to wallow in self-pity. If I think more about others than I think about myself I wouldn't have so much time to think about negative things about myself!

Okay this has been a great week! I tried to keep peaceful and zen about things and I think it sort of worked! I shall go off to bed now and look forward to the weekend ahead (:

2007-06-03T18:47:00.000+08:00

When I say, "I am a Christian" by Carol Wimmer

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost! That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble-needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible but God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian," I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian," I do not wish to judge
I have no authority--I only know I'm loved

Cool. This poem was written cos the poet was worried about the increasing attitude of self-righteousness among Christians (see carolwimmer.com).

I think it's true that it's so easy to fall into this trap- to think that I'm always right or that I know everything just because I think I truly know God.

It's easy too to get complacent, to think that just cos I know God I am guaranteed a place in heaven and I don't have to work for it. It is easy to start thinking that I can go about my own life then turn to God when I meet with some trouble and He will automatically answer my prayers.

Sigh sometimes I think its really tiring to be a Christian because there is always this struggle against my natural tendency to sin and to worry. If only I could forever have a peaceful and loving heart that trusts entirely in God. Life would become so easy!

But I can't change myself, so I guess all I can do is to pray and turn to Him for rest and hope. Yup.

Ah it's dinner time. Byeee!

2007-06-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

HELLO today I attended a very nice 1-day retreat on Christian leadership and gosh I learnt so many things!

Haha I am way too lazy now to put down all that I learnt cos I don't know where to start so

WATCH THIS SPACE!

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!

I will do it sometime later :D

I shall post up a very nice passage from Isaiah 49:1-6 instead:

"Listen to me, you islands;
hear this, you distant nations:
Before I was born the LORD called me;
from my birth he has made mention of my name.

He made my mouth like a sharpened sword,
in the shadow of his hand he hid me;
he made me into a polished arrow
and concealed me in his quiver.

He said to me, "You are my servant,
Israel, in whom I will display my splendor."

But I said, "I have labored to no purpose;
I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing.
Yet what is due me is in the LORD's hand,
and my reward is with my God;

for I am honored in the eyes of the LORD
and my God has been my strength"

He says:
"It is too small a thing for you to be my servant
to restore the tribes of Jacob
and bring back those of Israel I have kept.
I will also make you a light for the nations,
that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth."

2007-05-24T21:52:00.000+08:00

LORD I'M NOT WORTHY TO RECEIVE YOU, BUT ONLY SAY THE WORD AND I SHALL BE HEALED.

I think this is such a beautiful line.

But everytime I say it it doesn't seem to work.

Why! :(:(:(

And how come I can't upload any photos onto my blog :(

2007-05-14T23:44:00.000+08:00

Giving is the way we flee covetousness, because generosity builds up our immunity against greed.

Giving is the way we development contentment, as we make a deliberate choice to employ our resources for others, not just ourselves.

Continued from the booklet on contentment.

Yes, I must be generous with everything because they are not mine, but blessings I have received from God!

2007-05-13T22:08:00.000+08:00

Haha and once again the thing I was so afraid of turned out to be nothing at all.

I never learn from past experiences! :(

But God rocks la. After posting the previous post I found the latest purpose driven life devotional in my inbox which was about "loving out the fear". So cool right!

Yes okay I shall now go off happy and free to conquer the remaining 18653989 pieces of homework due even though after triumphing over my IH essay I should be happy and watching TV instead.

Goodnight!

2007-05-13T20:17:00.000+08:00

Verses on being brave.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."- 2 Timothy 1:7

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."- Joshua 1:9

Sigh after so long, I still find it so difficult to be brave.

I am someone, I think, too afraid of failure, criticism and what people think of me. Haha but in reality no one really cares too much about you.

I must face my fears head-on with the spirit of power and love God has given me! And not waste my time working up my courage to do things when I could otherwise be spending that time uh, saving the world or something!

Yes okay I will be brave.

2007-05-04T20:12:00.000+08:00

Hooray it's a friday night!

I'm feeling really hopeful about the weekend ahead! :D

HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYONE!

2007-05-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

God has made this week amazingly good! At the start of the week I thought it would really suck, but now I look back and I see that He has indeed been with me every step of the way!

I need to be more contented!

You know the Daily Bread devotionals come with thin discovery series booklets sometimes. This month's one was about cultivating a heart of contentment. The title itself was so striking, and when I read it, everything just rang so true.

Okay here are some things I learnt!

When we are uncontented, we commit the sin of covetousness. We are wanting what others possess that we do not.

Contentment is not about self-sufficiency but about Christ-sufficiency. It is not resignation but deep-seated satisfaction that is the gift of Christ. It is not acceptance of the status quo or surrender of ambition but submission to Christ and His purposes. It is the ability to get out of a situation everything that God has in it for us.

We should have contentment with what we have, but discontentment with who we are. We should aspire to become wiser, deeper, more loving and more Christlike.

"For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. "- 1 Tim 6:7; We should have an eternal, kingdom perspective. Things on earth might seem so real, while eternity seems so unreal. But we must remember 2 Cor 4:18- "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

We often view our material possessions and positions in life, which are actually entrusted to us by God, as ours, and ours to keep. But this is not true! Present things have no lasting value. So it is far more sensible to invest our time and energy into seeking God and a life that is more Christ-like.

Yep there's more. But I'll continue another day.

I shall be happy now in the completion of my SEA hist essay. Yay!

Goodnight world!

2007-04-26T22:59:00.000+08:00

Reminder to myself about gossiping!

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."- Ephesians 4:29

Cool, this is what Jess told me her cell leader (I think) told her quite some time ago. And now I found the verse for it yay.

Sigh it's so terrible that sometimes things like gossiping and thinking bad thoughts about other people come so naturally to me I don't even realise I am doing it. As in, when I'm doing such things it doesn't occur to me that what I am doing is wrong. Sigh they are so deeply ingrained in me. I must be more conscious!

Life has been good recently. With God in it it's all good (:

2007-04-19T20:12:00.000+08:00

I think the problem is that I compare too much. I always compare myself with others, measure myself against them. That is why I can never be properly happy.

I don't look at myself and thank God for all the blessings He has already given me. I am not content with who I am and God's plans for me. Like my mother tells me, I already have so much. I am already so blessed. If I go on like this one day God will just take everything away from me, and only then will I see that I had been taking everything for granted.

I should be satisfied with the present. I shouldn't be comparing. As long as I have done my best, that is enough!

Actually every day is a blessing. My good health, my happy family, my friends, even being able to go to school, all these are blessings!

Why should I compare myself against other people? Why does being better than others make me feel happier? So what if I am better than others? What does all this amount to, at the end of the day?

The boundless love of God is enough for me! To God I am good enough, and that is all that matters (:

2007-04-05T21:22:00.000+08:00

Yay I'm glad my family went for the Maundy Thursday mass today. It was so grand and beautiful. I think Easter season wouldn't be complete without going for it.

We remember how you loved us to your death,
and still we celebrate,
for you are with us here;

And we believe that we will see you
when you come in your glory, Lord.
We remember, we celebrate, we believe.
(We Remember by Marty Haugen)

Yay my champion sister who did really well at her school's sports day today. She got 2nd for long jump and 3rd for 400m. So pro right! I AM SO PROUD OF HER :D

2007-04-03T21:58:00.000+08:00

There is a really good article here from the International Herald Tribune! For girls, it's be yourself and be perfect, too.

It's about this top college in the US which is filled with high achievers and how everyone feels an overwhelming pressure to excel. It's a really really good article! Sigh I thinks so sad the way everyone's lives are centered on being the best and beating the rest.

I shall quote!

"But being an amazing girl often doesn't feel like enough these days when you're competing with all the other amazing girls around the country who are applying to the same elite colleges that you have been encouraged to aspire to practically all your life."

"You want to achieve... but how do you achieve and still be genuine?"

"You're supposed to do well in your classes and still have time to go out. You're supposed to do all these things... and not go insane."

"By age 14... the school's highest fliers are already worrying about marketing themselves to colleges: You almost have to be superhuman to resist the pressure."

"There is something about the lives these girls lead - their jam-packed schedules, the amped-up multitasking, the focus on a narrow group of the nation's most selective colleges - that speaks of a profound anxiety in the young people"

But I think its consoling in a sense, that the article ended with this girl saying that she is "aiming for a decidedly nonlucrative profession". She wants to be a theologian like her father. She said, "I have such a strong sense of being supported by my faith... It gives me priorities. That's why I'm not concerned about making money, because I know that there is so much more to living a rich life than having money."

YES I agree! And this is what we must all hold on to, and not lose sight of. We must not conform!

Oh and there was an interesting part in a sub-article about the appearance of effortlessness. A student explains: "I think that part of being a high-achieving girl is the appearance of effortlessness. It’s not that you can’t complain, it’s not that you can’t say you’re stressed, but people I think love the image of a girl who can take four A.P.'s and who can be well-dressed and who can do all these extracurriculars, and still wake up with a smile." How true!

K I shall go off now. Back to school again tmr!

Through It All
You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

2007-03-25T21:09:00.000+08:00

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."--Philippians 3:8-14 (NIV)

Today's second reading!

Argh once again it's not the correct version.

Today's Gospel reading was really really good too! It was from John 8:1-11, the one about the woman who committed adultery and Jesus saying “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” It really reinforced how I should not judge other people if I don't want to be judged as well. If Jesus who died for our sins says, "Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin.” who am I to judge anyway?

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have God as my shelter, comfort and hiding place! I think life would really suck!

Thank you thank you thank you God!

Oh yes and I must remember that lots of things can be considered idolatry! It doesn't just mean worshipping a gold statue or anything like that. If you spend a lot of time on computer games, or watching TV, or on liking singers/celebrities, or on getting absorbed with envy/ jealousy/ appearances etc. All these are considered false gods as well. Yes so must be careful!

2007-03-20T23:23:00.000+08:00

I need to smile more!

What happened to my smiling :(

And I need to be less selfish/ self-centered/ judgemental.

I realise that I can't write everything here. Which is bad because it means that I can't be honest about everything with everyone. Which means that there are some things about myself that I cannot face and I cannot admit.

I need to be more open. It's be tiring to hide and hide.

I think I have expectations that of myself that I try very hard to live up to. But actually these are silly and unimportant.

What happened to fixing my eyes on God/ not judging other people because you will judge yourself the same way/ looking past what is present and temporal and ahead to eternity?

What happened to always having a peaceful and grateful heart?

I must remember!

"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."-- II Chronicles 7:14

To be Your Bread- David Haas
To be your bread now,
be your wine now,
Lord, come and change us
to be a sign of your love.

Blest and broken, poured and flowing,
gift that you gave us,
to be your body once again.

We come to your table with our lives as they are.
Heal us Lord, for we are broken;
make us one again.

Lord, we stumble through the darkness of night.
Lead us, now, O Lord, we follow;
bring us home to you.

Give us the bread and wine that bring us to life.
Feed us, and we'll never hunger, never thirst again.

2007-03-11T18:23:00.000+08:00

We fall down
We fall down
We lay our crowns
At the feet of Jesus

The greatness of
His mercy and love
At the feet of Jesus

And we cry holy, holy, holy
And we cry holy, holy, holy
And we cry holy, holy, holy
Is the Lamb

2007-03-03T19:33:00.000+08:00

Haha today my dad discovered a few strands of white hair growing on his head, and he insisted that I helped him pluck out all of them. Then he was like, oh no I’m growing old :(:(:( I can see my fringe starting the change shade :(:(:(

We are old afraid of growing old!

2007-03-01T21:49:00.000+08:00

I'd forgotten how important it was to think more about others than myself!

It's not only the right way, but the only way to live a sane life! Because I am always so self-centered and think about my life, my happiness, my problems, my worries only, everything that happens to me gets exemplified. So if something good happens to me I get really happy. But if something bad happens I get really upset.

Thinking more about other people makes everything seem less important. And actually our lives on earth really aren't that important in the way we think it is. It isn't about ourselves. Afterall no matter what we do or accomplish on this earth, we will all turn to dust (and mire!) eventually. It is about God and His plan for us on earth and about other people and their relation to that plan.

I am always so silly! I keep losing sight of this very important thing to remember! Because I get complacent and think I have gotten it right, so I and stop reminding myself of it, and before long I have lost it and forgotten it. Then I slip back into deep self-centeredness and the whole world seems to come to an end whenever something goes wrong in my life. But God does speak in amazing ways/ He plants ideas in our heads, so eventually I will remember again. It is such a tiring process though. Sigh. I pray this time I will hold on to this thought!

It's difficult to always remember to think about others too! I keep forgetting and lapsing into self-centeredness/self-pity/self-glorification(?). But practice makes perfect! I will have to keep practicing and practicing until it finally sticks in me and becomes second nature to me, yes!

My dad *might* have glaucoma which is a terrible eye condition which will inevitably lead to blindness (you can only retard it), so everybody please help pray for him! It's supposed to be highly unlikely, but he has to go for further tests because there is a slight possibility of it. It's so terrible to keep us in suspense, he will only be going for the tests in 2 weeks time :( I guess what will be will be.

Yay the weekend is coming! A week flies by so quickly in JC. Sigh the March hols are surely going to whiz by too. I shall end here, goodnight!

2007-02-27T21:53:00.000+08:00

“You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price.”-- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

This means that there is more to consider than just me and what I want to do- there is God and what he wants me to do too.

“Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” --Luke 22:42

From the PDL devotional. It also says this:

"In all instances it is the attitude of the heart that is most important. It is a submissive attitude toward God that he is looking for – what the Old Testament calls a broken and contrite heart. It’s being always open and teachable because I realize my new owner has a different way of looking at things than what comes natural for me. In fact, over time I begin to realize what comes natural for me is often my biggest problem."

OH MY it's so coincidental that this was yesterday's devotional when we sort of talked abt this during yest's 414 prayer mtg. I always find that the devotionals I read are very often coincidentally about what I need to read. So cool right!

Oh no wait, its not coincidence. It's GOD SPEAKING :D

Read the whole thing HERE!

Refiner's Fire by Brian Doerksen
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

Refiner’s Fire
My heart’s one desire is to be holy
Set apart for You Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You my master
Ready to do Your will

Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within and make me holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin, deep within

2007-02-26T21:29:00.000+08:00

My sister is so cute! She actually keeps a prayer notebook! I peeked in and I saw she was praying that I be less negative or something like that.

And sometimes she says the wisest things. I can't remember the specific example, but yeah she's surprising!

2007-02-26T21:23:00.000+08:00

When We Believe- Mariah Carey, from the Prince of Egypt soundtrack

Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
So swiftly flown away

Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

(Oh)And it's easy to give in to your fears
(Oh...Ohhhh)But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way straight throught the rain
Small but still, resilient voice
Says love is very near

2007-02-25T19:56:00.000+08:00

"Before they call, I will answer"- Isaiah 65:24

So great is the love of God! How comforting is His promise!

2007-02-25T16:23:00.000+08:00

Sigh I think I'm feeling tired of writing essays.

Or maybe it's just a very warm afternoon and I'm sleepy and I ate too much at the family CNY lunch.

I'll try again tonight I guess!

Grr why is my email not working!!

2007-02-23T20:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was Thinking Day! Happy Thinking Day to all Guides and ex-Guides!

One year really passes really quickly! It was just last year when we were singing HEY HEY HEY, IT'S THINKING DAY all the time, and when we were doing Thinking Day footdrill and we went for the Thinking Day Rally, and we thought of the decorate cake thing to celebrate Thinking Day during Guides. At that time of the year it felt like Guides was my whole life, and that it would never end, but it did.

We should have a Guides batch outing/gathering soon! Maybe during March hols or something, then we can go back for the March camp campfire!! Hooray!

Our batch rocks! We're so efficient. We're in the process of settling our AA guest item already, when AA is far off in April! :D

Okay on to today. It was a great day! Lessons weren't too bad. Then before the RAP talk our class went to Pastamania for lunch. We ended up playing cards and making a lot of noise, and we were chased out in the end haha. After the RAP talk, which was quite interesting, there was training. It was our first time training on a really muddy field! It was raining really heavily before that, and our coach was so mean, the first thing we did was to do crunches on the field! So we got really really really wet and dirty. I am very glad I joined touch rug! It's fun, and my batchmates are nice. Thank you God for the way You make everything in my life turn out so well! I COULD SING OF YOUR LOVE FOREVER!

Today during prayer meeting we were talking about Lent. Mr Lee explained to us that since Easter is about new life, Lent is meant to be a period of preparation for this new life. Thus, what we should be focusing on during Lent is this- What is holding me back from knowing God and fully experiencing this new life that comes to me through Christ? I think it makes a lot of sense and puts the essence of Lent across really nicely! I shall make use of this period of Lent to make changes in my life, to become a person more in the likeness of Christ. I want to remove the feelings of self-doubt and diffidence and self-consciousness I always have. I should be confident in God's love!

I realised a long time back that I don't always think a lot about other people. I always felt, however, that I first needed to get my relationship with God right before I could move on to settle other areas of my life. But I was very wrong. Periods of spiritual dryness or times when I seemed to lose my connection with God were the very result of this lack of love for other people. Living a godly life and our relationship with God comes hand in hand.

Nowadays my prayers seem to be very short. While I used to spend a long time explaining my problems to God, now I just say "Lord I leave everything to You". I guess this is good and bad. I do hope this is a sort of improvement in my relationship with Him! Ah we shall see.

I shall end with some of my fave verses, which we really do need to remind ourselves of once in awhile:

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."-- Isaiah 40: 30-31

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight"- Proverbs 3:5-6

Happy weekend everyone!

2007-02-21T23:05:00.000+08:00

Hello today is Ash Wednesday, which is the start of Lent (40 days of preparation leading toward Easter).

When the priest puts the ashes on our foreheads he will say either of these 2 lines, which I think are really really appropriate for the start of Lent, and they help set the tone for it!

"Remember, man, that you are dust and to dust you will return"- Genesis 3:19

"Turn away from sin and be faithful to the gospel"- Mark 1:15

I haven't really thought about what I want my Lent to be like this year. I really should soon.

A prayer for Ash Wednesday!

"Blessed are you, O Lord our God, the all-holy one, who gives us life and all things. As we go about our lives, the press of our duties and activities often leads us to forget your presence and your love. We fall into sin and fail to live out the responsibilities that you have entrusted to those who were baptized into your Son.

In this holy season, help us to turn our minds and hearts back to you. Lead us into sincere repentance and renew our lives with your grace. Help us to remember that we are sinners, but even more, help us to remember your loving mercy.

As we live through this Ash Wednesday, may the crosses of ashes that mark our foreheads be a reminder to us and to those we meet that we belong to your Son. May our worship and prayer and penitence this day be sustained throughout these 40 days of Lent. Bring us refreshed and renewed to the celebration of Christ’s resurrection at Easter.

We ask this through your Son, Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit for ever and ever. Amen."

AMEN!

A brand new day tmr! Lord I dedicate tmr to You. Take me by my hand and lead me through tmr according to Your plans!

2007-02-20T23:52:00.000+08:00

"Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God who has made us adequate”-- 2 Corinthians 3:5-6

Haha WHO AM I?

2007-02-17T14:27:00.000+08:00

I wanted to post Yeats' "The Stolen Child" poem but blogger is annoying because it doesn't split the lines, so I shall make do with these 4 lines:

"Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand."

See the whole poem HERE! (plus the part in the movie where the poem appeared)

I think it's super cool that it appeared in the movie A.I. and is kind of linked to David going to underwater Manhattan. I looked up A.I. on google too, and turns out it's a much deeper and more interesting film than I thought it was when I watched it in p5. I want to watch it again!

And of course, here is "He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven", which is such a sweet poem!

HAD I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

Argh okay I should start on my Byzantium essay!

2007-02-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

Today was a great day! Thank you God for this beautiful day, and this wonderful class!

I really should be more thankful for all the blessings in my life! I keep wallowing in my present (unimportant) frustrations and troubles, being totally ungrateful for and taking for granted all God's blessings.

Dear Lord I pray for a thankful and grateful heart. A heart that is humble, that will look beyond myself and toward others. I pray that I will be less self-centered and less caught up in this temporal world. Instead, I should be focusing on Your purpose for me in this life, and trying to fulfill this purpose. Lord please help me to discern Your voice, so that You may lead and I may follow. Help me to say "speak Lord, Your servant is listening", instead of trying to talk to You all the time.

It seems I always have the same old problems. If you look at my blog posts they are always about the same things- worrying too much, being too caught up in myself etc. But I think that there are certain lessons God wants us to learn. After you learn them you don't get a break, it's time to move on to another lesson. Sometimes you have to relearn lessons when you forget. It's sort of like revising. Our relationship with God is a never-ending, always changing, always improving one. When I look back though, I see that I have come a long way. I have learnt many lessons. Some lessons do take a very long time compared to others though. So yes, I shall take heart and press on towards a better relationship with God!

Nice verses from purpose driven life!
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails"- Proverbs 19:21

"A sense of God's wholeness... will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."- Philippians 4:7 (It's about how when you start worrying a lot you know that God is no longer the center of your life. How true!)

Time to sleep! It's a brand new beautiful day tmr!

I shall end off with this poem, which Kylie sent for Vday, in an attempt to sound lit-y (not referring to Kylie haha):

i thank you God for most this amazing
by E. E. Cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

2007-02-15T22:19:00.000+08:00

Something Mr. Lee shared with us at prayer mtg on Tuesday!

Because God is love, and God loves all of us dearly, He couldn't possibly want to condemn us to a terrible place like what hell is, no matter how grievous our sins, for He forgives all of them unconditionally. Going to hell is actually a choice. Hell is a rejection of God. It is saying, "I don't want to be where God is (heaven)". It is portrayed as such a horrible place (fire, suffering and all) because any place that doesn't have God at all is so unbearable to live in. God respects decisions to reject Him. Thus, there is hell where He is totally absent. (In comparison with earth and heaven)

Did that make sense! I am trying to practice explaining things clearly to people.

Lord I give you my heart,
I give you my soul,
I live for You alone.
Every breath that I take,
Every moment I'm awake,
Lord have Your way in me!

It is tiring to keep trying to control my life and worrying about this and that. I am just trying to play God by doing that. But of course, nothing is really in my control. Dear God I pray that You will help me to just let go and let You have Your way. Nothing is too difficult for You. As long as it is Your will, it will be done. And I know that this will and this plan for me is a plan to prosper me and to give me a future and a hope! Haha what happened to my goal to live a peaceeeefulllll life! Yes! I shall be at peaceeee with myself and with everybody (:

Hooray take5 tmr!

2007-02-11T16:43:00.000+08:00

"SPEAK LORD, YOUR SERVANT IS LISTENING"- 1 Samuel 3:9

Hearts on fire rally at CJC yesterday night! It was great (:

Argh I shall not go on because there's homework to do! OKAY it is 5pm now. I shall start on my lit essay now and be done by 6, YES I SHALL!

2007-01-30T22:14:00.000+08:00

I love my class! :D

2007-01-29T21:17:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU GOD!

For all Your blessings which I don't deserve.

I know You have plans for me- plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a future and a hope. So I shall not worry about my humans scholarship interview, or my touch rug trials, or my choice of CCAs or the so many other things I can think of to worry about. I will commit all that I do to You and focus on following Your way instead, because I know that You love me and want the best for me.

Besides, You are the only way.

:( I have to do some sharing about the campus crusade orientation tea during SV tmr! I am so silly, even when I know I am doing God's work I still feel a little scared :(

Nevermind! I shall take courage from this-- "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13) YES!

I LOVE YOU GOD!

2007-01-22T21:06:00.000+08:00

More wise words! This time from Jess' pastor. It's something along the lines of this-

If people have to ask you, "Are you a Christian?", that means that you are not a true Christian. People should be able to tell, just from your actions and your beliefs, that you are Christian. You should be a reflection of Christ.

I think that's very true! I never saw it from this angle before.

I want to thank God for today! It was a great day! It is really by God's grace and by God's strength that everything turns out the way it does- beautiful (:

Dear God I pray that I will never forget to depend on you always, and to commit each day of my life to You. Everyday, it's You I live for! I can do nothing on my own strength. I should stop trying to carry all of life's burdens and worries on my own weak shoulders. It is so useless and I will only tire myself out. Help me Lord, to live everyday in peace and in confidence. Confidence in Your love. AMEN!

2007-01-21T23:15:00.000+08:00

Wise words from Jessica's cell group leader about gossip!
When you do something to help the person, it's being concerned... but when you just talk and don't do anything to help the person, then it's not so good.

Wise words from Jessica!
We can't change the world by being us.
We can try, though, via praying
Cos only God can change

Ah I hope I have gotten everything clearer now.

2007-01-19T20:24:00.000+08:00

I read a very nice essay from the purpose driven life daily devotional titled 'Effective Witnessing in the Postmodern Age'. HERE it is!

I liked this sentence- "Our business is not a sale or a convert but to speak openly about what we know and have experienced and to genuinely care about others regardless of their choices.'

Actually there were many other sentences that I liked and that made a lot of sense. It was all written very clearly. I think this essay has firmly set me in the correct direction, with regard to spreading the Good News of God (: But I guess in addition to knowing, I must practice and learn from experience.

Sometimes I feel so bad, because my actions and words are not Christ-like. I know that this will affect peoples' opinions about God, especially if I make it known that I am a Christian.

Sigh dear God, please help me to always persevere in imitating Christ!

Yay this weekend is going to be fun (: I think I should keep looking forward to things, it keeps me happy and optimistic! Because I am such a horribly pessimistic person sometimes.

Okay nice verse for today! It's about how suffering is necessary in life.
“As a result, I can really know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I can learn what it means to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that, somehow, I can experience the resurrection from the dead.”-- Philippians 3:10-11

2007-01-18T22:39:00.000+08:00

Better Than Life by Hillsongs

Better than the riches of this world
Better than the sound of my friend's voices
Better than the biggest dreams of my heart
And that's just the start

Better than getting what I say I need
Better than living the life that I want to
Better than the love anyone could give
Your love is

Won't You hold me now in your arms
And never let me go

You oh Lord make the sun shine
And the moon light in the night sky
You give me breath and all your love
I give my heart to you because

I can't stop falling in love with you
I'll never stop falling in love with you

I should make better use of my time, really! I watched too much TV today :(

It's a brand new day tomorrow! A day to look forward to because it is a brand new opportunity to glorify God in my life! (:

I LOVE YOU GOD!

2007-01-16T21:17:00.000+08:00

I am so thankful that I know God! Life would be so unbearable otherwise because I'm such a silly, nervous person.

And I know it is very important to remember, but I still forget to put into practice all the time, that all that matters is to live a life of love. After the end of this very short life, our success will be measured God's way. All our human standards of success won't count at all.

Dear Lord, please help me never get caught up with wordly persuits. Help me never lose myself in this world. Amen.

Very beautiful verses from Joel's blog that I should go memorise-
Philippians 2:13: "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

:( I'm falling sick! I need to stop getting sick. Rachel's getting sick too! I pray that we will become healthier people, but if it is Your will Lord, I just pray that we will be blessed with cheerfulness and good nature in our sickness. Amen.

2007-01-15T20:17:00.000+08:00

Nice hymn from mass today!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

It's such a beautiful song! Pity I can't find the other 2 verses. I thought I would be able to find them online but I couldn't :(

Ah but today I couldn't concentrate properly at mass. I was too preoccupied with wordly distractions! So the recessional hymn above was a very appropriate reminder haha.

I have changed my mind about Pride and Prejudice! When I read the book slowly I found that Jane Austen writes so beautifully. It's a bit long-winded at some parts but I guess that that was just the way of writing last time. And anyway I like Mr. Darcy a lot!!! He is such a proud man, yet he loved Elizabeth so much he was willing to accept her poor family background! Plus he sounds really handsome :P

I think the girls last time lived such sad lives! All they thought about was about how to get a good husband. There was also so much attention paid to status. Sigh what a silly world!

K goodnight everyone!

2007-01-11T21:37:00.000+08:00

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek and find me when you seek me with all your heart."-Jeremiah 29:11-13

I commit all my worries about decisions I have made/ have to make to You, Lord! Help me to trust in You for my faith is weak!

:( I'm reading Pride and Prejudice now and I think it's quite boring! But actually it's not as bad as I expected. I thought it would be difficult to read but it's fairly simple yay.

2007-01-04T21:34:00.000+08:00

Today was another good day! Thank you God!

Dear God, thank you for changing me. The change has been slow and gradual and I did not notice it. But now when I look back, I see that I have come a long way. I find that I take things so much easier now, because I understand that everything happens in my life for a purpose. When I live out my life in this way, I am fulfilling Your plan for me. I do not look at myself so harshly anymore too, because I understand that You made me this way for a reason, and that Your creation was perfect because You are perfect. Thank you so much Lord!

Not to say that I am totally a changed person. There are many areas in my life that are not God-centric or only somewhat. Lord I pray that I will be able to come into a deeper relationship with You.

While this was good today, Lord I am sorry that today I didn't do what I promised to do yesterday. Once again today I didn't think of other people as much as I could. My thoughts were still self-centered thoughts. Lord please help me with this. Help me to be more humble and less self-centered.

Amen.

May tomorrow be another good day yay!

2007-01-03T19:57:00.001+08:00

Thank you God, I think I have learnt to relax (:

You rock!

2007-01-03T19:36:00.000+08:00

Today was a good day!

On the way to school today the song Everyday was playing. It struck me that this was God's reminder at the start of the year, that this is how I should live out the rest of the year:

Everyday
What to say, Lord?
It's You who gave me life and I
Can't explain just how
Much You mean to me now
That You have saved me, Lord
I give all that I am to You
That everyday I can
Be a light that shines Your name

Everyday, Lord,
I'll Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
That I might come to know You more
That You would guide me with every single step I take, that
Everyday I can Be Your light unto the world

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

Thank you God for this beautiful day, for the friends I have met, the new friends I made.

Kylie reminded me the other day that in the process of trying to fulfill my new year resolutions, I would face great obstacles. It took me by surprise because perhaps, life has been too easy for me. I had forgotten that life is a test and a training ground.

Now I say Lord, that I do not shy away from the challenges that await me. I do want to deepen my relationship with You very much. I pray only that You will give me the strength to see me through trying times. Also, please help me to always fix my eyes on You and on heaven.

Dear Lord, I also pray that even as I am busy with the many activities of Orientation, You will always be on my mind. I pray that whatever I do will be Christ-centered and focused on gloriying You.

AMEN.

Oh no I realise that my prayers recently have been very focused on myself and my needs :( I'm too caught up with myself :(

Tmr! I shall try to remember to think more of others instead. The J.O.Y. (Jesus first, then others, finally yourself) principle!

Dear Lord please send the Holy Spirit down on me to help me with this. Amen!

2007-01-01T18:14:00.000+08:00

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"!!!-- Philippians 4:13

I just finished typing the previous post then I saw that quote. Cool right :D

And in case I forget, we read the story The Room again at retreat. The one about Jesus signing His name over ours on all our cards of horrible deeds.

What struck me strongly from reading it this time was this most horrible yet most wonderful thing about God- God knows that we will sin against Him and disappoint Him. Yet He lets us do all these to Him, because He loves us so much, and hope that we will one day go back to Him.

Ah it's so annoying that God is so goody because it makes us a million times more guilty when we sin against Him :( Sigh.

Anyway off to dinner now! BYEE.

2007-01-01T17:13:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Here is my New Year's wish for everyone:
May the Lord bless you and keep you;
May the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
And may the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.
(Numbers 6:24-26)

We set New Year's Resolutions at our Cornerstone retreat. I've got a lot! I shall type them all out here to remind myself of them:

1. I resolve to be more at peace with myself, to relax and be comfortable with myself . If I am able to trust fully in God's holy plan and just commit myself and my life to Him I will be find myself worrying less.

2. I resolve to be more humble, to think less of myself and more of others. Also, not to judge/ envy other people and instead be content in God's love. I want to do everything in love and with the intention of glorifying God. In everything I do I should always consider first: why am I doing this? For what reason? Am I wanting to show off? Am I wanting to put someone else down? etc.

3. I resolve to think about God always! Every moment of the day, whatever I do, even when it seems so unrelated to God. Everyday I will wake up and remind myself: GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD.

4. I resolve to be an ambassador of God and bring people to the faith/ a deeper understanding of Him. I want to become more sensitive to God's calling and prompting, so that I may be His instrument and He might work through me if and when He wants to.

5. I resolve to find a way to revive my family prayers and keep them going for the whole of next year. It is very important for the family to pray together!

6. I resolve to read the bible very often. It is going to be my favorite book, yes!

7. I resolve to find meaning in mass and concentrate more in mass too. I want to attend weekday masses more often too, and go for Confession regularly.

I look at my 2006 New Year resolutions and I am quite happy. I think I have achieved my resolutions to a certain extent, some more so than others.

It has been a good year. I must say, it was probably the best year of my sec school life. Relationship with God-wise, I think I have made many breakthroughs. I have realised a lot of things, and definitely grown closer to God.

Guides has been another major thing this year. Yijun blogged about it also. I learnt many lessons from Guides that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. It changed some things about my character too. Guides truly is a wonderful CCA. I am so glad I joined it, despite my dislike for it in sec 1.

I think, what I most wish at the end of my whole journey in Guides is that the 3 CLs, the sec 4 batch, we have left Guides as a better CCA, that we have made some changes or left some things, no matter how small, to make the Guiding journey of our juniors better.

CmPS was truly God's grace. I think our whole SPLASH! team agrees. Thank you God for all Your blessings!

This year I strengthened a lot of relationships. Friendships with 414, with SPLASH, with Guides, with Cornerstone and also my relationship with my family. I am really thankful for all of these!

Yep so I shall end off with a very nice song we sung today in church. Today's mass was nice (:

In His Time
In His time, in His time,
He makes all things beautiful, in His time,
Lord, please show me everyday,
As You're teaching me Your way,
That You do just what You say, In Your time.

In Your time, in Your time,
You make all things beautiful, in Your time,
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time.

Dear Lord, I pray that I will find confidence in the knowledge that everything happens in Your time, that there is a season for everything. I pray that this will give me courage to do the things I feel that You are calling me to do, and commit the outcome to You. Let me not worry or doubt. Rather, let me just say, "Father, Your will be done". Let me see myself as Your instrument. Thus I need not worry because Your hands are guiding me to carry our Your plans.

AMEN.

2006-12-26T17:45:00.000+08:00

I have cute photos of my dog CHIPPY to show!

LOOK!!

Chippy (furthest left) with the rest of his family. The cute boy on the left is KAIEN. His sister Kaiqi is the girl on the right. HE'S SO CUTE RIGHT!

CHIPPY (:

CHIPPY again (: With a sticker on his head haha.

Such cute photos!!!

2006-12-25T16:40:00.000+08:00

It's Christmas today!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY (:

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned... For onto us a child is born"- Isaiah 9:2, 7

Everyone should rejoice and be happy!

Dear God, I pray that during this time of Christmas I will be able to renew my relationship with You. I pray that I will be able to put away all the distractions, all the superficialities and all the false gods in my life and put You firmly in the centre. Let me be strong in the knowledge that as long as I put You as my number 1, everything will work out according to Your perfect plan. Just as there was no place for Jesus at the inn, I do not belong to this world. Let me always remember this. Let me always remember that I am to be a stranger, an alien in this land.

Dear God, Christmas is a time when we remember how Jesus was born to save us through His death. I pray that during this time, You will help me come to a deeper appreciation of Jesus' birth, life and death. I want to have a closer relationship with him, Lord. I pray that You will help me invite Jesus into my heart and into my life. Give me the determination to read the bible more, because I know that it only through the bible that I will learn the truth which will set me free.

Dear God, free me from the burdens of appearances and pride. I am always struggling against all these. I am tried of this, Lord. Teach me how to live like Jesus showed us to, teach me how to live to glorify Your name only!

Lord, You are my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want.

Dear Jesus, come into my life this Christmas and stay forever.

Amen.

2006-12-16T22:30:00.000+08:00

And about nice readings, there were 2 weekdays masses quite a long time ago that had very nice readings.

One was this one:
"Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."-- Philippians 2:3-4

(Again it doesn't sound as nice as the version in my church's book! :(()

And ARGH I absolutely can't remember the other one :( :( :(

I am sad :( I hope I remember it soon!

Finally, one last verse:
"Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me."- Mark 8:34

TAKE UP MY CROSS. Yes that's what I have to do!

Come Away by Kim Putnoky

Don't you be in such a hurry
Cos it only leads to worry
There's a time to work and
There's a time to play

Try and cast your cares on him
He'll give you perfect peace within
Can't you here the spirit calling
Come Away

Come away
Come away
Come and spend some time with me
Come away
Let your heart and mind be filled
Let your empty cup be filled
Can't you hear the spirit calling
Come away

2006-12-16T22:22:00.000+08:00

Oh yes because I probably will forget when I get back,

Today's 2nd reading was so beautiful. And it came right after I stepped out of the Confession room (:

Not like I haven't seen this before, but it was so beautiful because it was so perfect for that moment. It really seemed to be a reminder from God on how to live my life.

Philippians 4:4-7:
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Argh this is from the NIV. I don't know which version our church's book is based on, but the version was nicer.

I love it how God always surprises me like this (:

Anyway, back to packing up my room for the carpenter-!

2006-12-16T20:58:00.000+08:00

I am going off to China tmr and won't be back till the 23rd!

Ah I've got lots to blog about but I can't because I procrastinated for so long and didn't do so many things, so GOODBYE EVERYONE and SEE YOU ALL SOON (:

2006-12-15T17:20:00.000+08:00

I hate it when I break my promises to God. It puts a big rock between me and God and after that my relationship with Him starts to go downhill.

Sometimes I commit a big sin. After that I feel that since I have already sinned so much I can't be bothered to consciously stop myself from sinning anymore. So I just follow my impulses and do bad things like shout at my siblings or be grumpy and mean to people.

One I've gotten into this phase I find it so hard to pull myself out of it. The sinful way seems the most convenient way all the time. No wonder people say it's tough to be a Christian. But I hate it. I hate how God feels so distant, how I don't feel His love all around me, how I seem to be floating around aimlessly in my life of sin.

This hasn't been as good a week as the other weeks of my holidays. My whole family except my mother came down with stomach flu so we spent all our time lying around in bed and puking the whole time. Given my sad condition I started lapsing into the aforementioned and sigh, here I am today.

There are so many things to do! I need to clear my room for the carpenters to build the new cupboards, I need to pack my things for China, and most importantly I need to rebuild my relationship with God.

Argh my stomach still feels queasy. Don't know if China food will be too much for it :(

Oh well what to do. The only thing I can do is to pray, even though it doesn't feel like I am praying with much conviction these days :(

Dear Lord, I love You. Thank you for everything You do for me. Thank you for always being there for me even though I am not always faithful. Thank you for giving me confidence (not complacency I hope!) in Your ever-present love. I pray that You will give me the strength to persevere in Your way every day. Send your Holy Spirit down onto me, to help me not to repeat the same old sins over and over again. Help me choose the right way instead of the easy way. Help me turn away all temptation and say no! to the devil. Although I know Your love for me is more than feelings, let me feel your love for me, so that I won't feel so alone :(

Amen!

I think I need to go for Confession soon!

And we really need to restart family prayers again! We said the rosary together for a prety long time. Like, 3 weeks? After that there were a few days we didn't for various reasons and now we don't pray anymore. But hooray the upcoming holiday in China will be a good opportunity to start again because my dad will finally be free to join in! Thank you God for this wonderful opportunity and I hope that we will make full use of it (:

Yijun's birthday yesterday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I LOVE YOU (:

And we are finally going to have our CmPS Christmas party at my house! Yitian and I are going to cook HAHAHA :D

Many good things in my life! I should stop being so ungrateful for everything. My mum says that if keep saying like, this day was bad, or stuff like that God might just decide that He will make this the best day of my life by making the rest of my life really horrible. (Did that make sense?) Yes, so I should be very thankful because I really am so much luckier than 99% of the world!

So in this very thankful mood I shall end this post and say GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY and GOD BLESS (:

2006-12-12T13:27:00.000+08:00

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

--Philippians 4:6-7

2006-12-03T22:10:00.000+08:00

"Before you can fully understand yourself in Jesus, you have to first understand who you're not."-- the Casting Crowns guy who wrote the song Who Am I.

How true.

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind

2006-12-03T21:11:00.000+08:00

I've had a busy weekend!

Yesterday I went for Dr Slatter's wedding at St Mary's. It was such a beautiful wedding in such a beautiful church! I love St Mary's! I think it is so beautiful that, instead of Jesus hanging on the cross like in normal churches they have an outline of a cross on the wall, and Jesus suspended in front of the cross. So it looks like He is on the cross, but yet He is flying in the air.

The priest gave a very nice homily on the significance of having your marriage blessed by God, in a wedding ceremony. This is because, he said, it is so difficult to love each other in the way described in 1 Corinthians 13 that we really need God to bless the marriage so that it was be so much easier on our parts to make it a lasting and happy one centered in Christ.

It is so cute when 2 teachers marry each other! So many teachers and students came for the wedding and teachers were ushers and in the choir too!

Aiyah it was a really beautiful wedding. I like weddings (:

Then after the St Francis Xavier feastday mass and dinner I went to the guides house to report to help out at the Standard Chartered Marathon. Cornerstone was really nice and walked me all the way to a faraway bus stop!

Ah I think I am too sleepy to blog about the marathon now. I shall blog tmr maybe. Goodnight everyone!

Dear Lord, I pray for all the sick, that in their suffering they wil remember Jesus' own suffering on the cross and let it be a reminder of His great sacrifice. Also, may they never lose their faith and trust in You and instead, offer up all this pain to You. Most of all, if it is Your will, please relieve them of their suffering.

Dear Lord, I pray that You will give me strength in the knowledge that as long as I am doing the right thing everything will turn out good in the end. I pray that I will never hanker after earthly things, that You will take away all my earthly desires, and instead help me focus on building eternal relationships. Let me have comfort in the knowledge that You have a grand plan for me, and that You are committed to seeing it to fruition in me.

AMEN!

2006-12-01T20:57:00.000+08:00

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

I think I have become a lot braver!

I have been doing a lot of brave things recently, like reading all the mail in my inbox. This may seem silly to you, but I really do have a fear of reading some emails which I think may be not-so-nice or something. Last time especially, in sec 3, when I had a lot of angry emails chasing me for work and stuff like that I would spend ages agonising over opening my mail. Many times I would open the email days after receiving it. The silly thing was that very often the mail was very harmless. However, because I had opened it so late I would have missed an easy-to-meet deadline or something, and I would have to clean up the mess after that. I always thought to much about such things la.

Now I have learnt that all these are unimportant. If people are nasty, or I get a scolding or whatever, so be it. What is most important is how God judges me, not other people. As long as my conscience is clear, whom shall I fear?

I have also become a lot less self-conscious too.

Really, I have found that once I fix my eyes on God, everything fades in importance. And this reliance on Him also gives me strength and courage to deal with anything that may come my way. I can feel Him there, right beside me.

During our last class prayer meeting together, we reflected on what this year was like. I said that it was so amazing, how I managed to get through this year. There was so many things I was involved in and so many things I had to do. I know that I certainly could not have made it through without God's grace and help. But I can't help but think that the journey would have been so much easier, if only I had made a conscious effort to rely on Him. Instead, I tried to do it all by myself. This only made me tired and weary. Sometimes, all we need is to remove ourselves from the situation, take a step back, and commit ourselves to the Lord. We will immediately find that everything becomes a lot better.

I must learn how to say, "Not my will, but Your will be done", and mean it.

Ah I am sorry if this post is incoherent. My brother and sister are playing very noisy computer games, so I can't really concentrate. Tomorrow is Dr. Slatter's wedding! I am very excited! This is the first proper church wedding I have ever been to. Haha what a year of firsts. This year was the first time I had ever been to a funeral before. Such beautiful celebrations of new beginnings and new lives :D

Note to self! Read Lionel Shriver's We Need To Talk About Kevin, and upload from chalets and prom.

2006-11-30T10:04:00.000+08:00

Our family has started saying the rosary together on most nights. (For those who don’t know what the rosary is, click here!) Everyone except my father joins in, because he is too busy, with dinners to attend every night.

I think it is so amazing the way the Lord works. Quite some time ago I decided to do a 1 month rosary devotion for some intentions, but I never could complete it because I found the rosary too long and tedious to do. And so I dragged it on and on, starting and re-starting my 1 month. I thought I would never be able to complete it.

Coincidentally, my mother suddenly bought new rosaries for the whole family. My sister, who had never done the rosary before, found it interesting, read the rosary book, and started doing it herself for a few nights.

She was really funny! (She told us this later on) She didn’t understand what she was supposed to do about the mysteries, and didn’t know how to say the ‘Glory Be’, so at the start of the rosary we would pray, “Dear God, please forgive me for not knowing how to say the mysteries and the glory be.”

After I found out that my sister had been doing the rosary the past few nights, I decided to do that night’s rosary with her. And so we did, and my mother and cousin joined in.

A few days later it was the day before the release of the PSLE results. My brother and mother were very worried about his results so we all went for the weekday evening mass. However, we were very late because of various reasons that all made sense later. Because it was not nice to go in so late, we went instead to the grotto instead of say the rosary. It was such a peaceful and wonderful prayer together; I could just feel that God had arranged all this for us.

On subsequent nights we said the rosary together too. Last night’s rosary however, was the most beautiful. My brother and sister had been fighting throughout while saying the rosary. We were saying it in my brother’s room, and he did not like my sister sitting on his chair nor lying on his bed. They were making so much noise that my mother sent them both out of the room. A little while later, my brother came back in, but my sister stayed outside, presumably playing on the computer.

We had reached the last decade of the rosary when my sister opened the door. (She had been sitting outside all along!) She choked out, “I’m sorry, gor gor” and then she started crying and crying and crying.

We all ran to hug her while my brother sat there looking very sheepish and regretful. It was such a beautiful moment. I really believe that it was only through coming together as a family and saying this beautiful prayer that the hearts of my siblings were softened and they were able to experience the gifts of forgiveness and love.

I now understand what they mean when they say, “the family that prays together stays together”. And I think that the rosary is an excellent way of praying together, because after each decade each family member is able to offer up his/her own prayers, and the whole family can affirm and pray for him/her. Haha with so many people praying for you, you feel more at peace I guess. Also, by sharing our prayers, which would otherwise have remained secret to everyone else, we come to understand and love each other more. There are some prayers that surprise me, because I never knew this was what has been disturbing my mother/brother/sister/cousin.

The prayers of my brother and sister are the most beautiful (ah sorry for the overuse of this word! I cannot find another that has the same kind of meaning!). Theirs are the prayers of children; their prayers and pure and innocent. Mostly they revolve around my dog (let him not grow so fat, let him not eat leaves, let him be more obedient), each other (let Paul be nicer to me, let Melissa stop being so naughty), their interests (thank you God for helping me in today’s table tennis competition. But I hope I can do even better next time; God let everyone see the merits of buying me a Nintendo we).

I really thank God for making this whole rosary thing work out. It used to be me just trying to do it alone, to complete my 1 month. Now we kind of look forward to 9 o clock when we can say it together. It is amazing the way things just work out when you are doing things centered on the Lord, the way things just fit.

I pray that we will be able to continue doing the rosary together. That my father will be able to join us, somehow, even though he has dinners till late every night, and still has to do work after that.

I pray that more families will start praying together. I never knew that we were missing out on so much until we started praying together ourselves.

I thank you Lord for everything and everything!

“We will run, and not grow weary, for our God will be our strength,
And we will fly like the eagle, we will rise again.”

2006-11-09T23:16:00.000+08:00

Aw my mum's so cute! She bought me red hair extensions for prom XD! I was like, no I'm not going to wear that! Now she insists I attach it to my dress somehow.

Jiakang's family clan is even cuter! They are flying in to Singapore from all over the world to see her dress up for prom!

John 12: 21 "We [some unbelievers] wish to see Jesus"

The key word here is SEE. Here, what is meant by "see" is to experience Jesus, to understand His message.

In John 1:50-51, Jesus invites Nathanael to come and "see greater things", to "see heaven opened and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of Man". At the end, it is the people who come to Jesus to ask to see because through his work/ his life they understand that He is truly "the way, the truth and the light".

Actually I think that everyone is thirsting and hungering for the truth, everyone wants to see the truth. It's just that many people do not recognise this thirst. They misread it as growing pains, teenage angst, philosophical rubbish, a passing phase, part of life and so on.

They try to find ways to quench this thirst. These ways seem harmless. But most of them just lead to them wasting their lives away. They do not realise this because the Devil is crafty and plants thoughts, that these ways are okay, in their head. These people cannot tell the difference between their own thoughts and the Devil's because the Devil is so clever. The Devil is happy because by wasting their lives away, these people are not fulfilling God's purpose for them on earth.

But these types of "water" [ways] don't work because Jesus said in John 4: 13-14, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink of the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life".

He also said, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty."(Jn 6:35)

The Devil works by making us believe that this life we lead in this world is the most important, that as human beings we are God of this earth. But how short-sighted this thinking is!

What about what comes after this short life on earth? At most we'll live what, a hundred years? After that what happens? Is that the end? Does it just go all dark and our soul just shrivels up and decomposes? What a sad life we live then! We are living for nothing then, since it just ends like that.

We might say we are living for others, to make others happy. But what use is this happiness (both ours and that of others) if it is all so immaterial and silly in this life of ours that is doomed to a black end anyway? It would be the same as saying that you are living to make money. You can't bring all that money you have earned to your grave anyway.

Call me morbid, but it is the truth that our life may end any moment. There are so many people, so young and healthy, who suddenly die of a cardiac arrest or by choking on their tongue/vomit/saliva in their sleep.

What if we die missing the truth? We would have spent our whole life living out a lie then.

Jesus said, "The light is with you for a little longer. Walk while you have the light, so that darkness may not overtake you. If you walk in the darkness, you do not know where you are going. While you have the light, believe in the light, so that you may become children of light." (John 12: 35-3")

Ah I don't know. Maybe that sounded a little harsh. Maybe the right way is for people to see Jesus through others, others who love with all their heart, who truly embody Jesus' commandment that "Just as I have loved you, you should also love one another" (Jn 13:34)

But maybe it is because I am so morbid, I feel it is very urgent.

Ah I know such things cannot be rushed. They are big decisions. And anyway everything happens "in His time".

Whatever it is, I just felt I had to say it. I am not very spiritually mature so who knows if its right :(

But I love everyone and I just want everyone to see what I feel is the truth. I want everyone to share in this joy that I have, of knowing God.

2006-11-06T17:33:00.000+08:00

"Happiness is a choice; It's just that some people only see suffering as an option."

2006-11-06T00:35:00.000+08:00

"We musn't let next week rob us of this week's joy"

2006-11-05T14:40:00.000+08:00

Today's session was on the saints. I think St. Tarcisius is such an admirable saint. He lived during the time when the Christians were being persecuted. The pope wanted to get the holy Eucharist to the Christians who were on death row in prison, so St. Tarcisius who was only 10 at that time volunteered to bring it to them, at risk of death. On the way to there, he was stopped by a group of pagans who demanded to see what he was hiding close to his heart. St. Tarcicius refused so they stoned him to death. Till his death he refused to let them see/touch the Eucharist because he did not want them to defile it.

In the end the Eucharist that St. Tarcisius was sending did get delievered to the prison by a Christian soldier who chanced upon the scene, but what I felt was so amazing was that he was just 10 years old when he died for Christ. It makes me so embarrassed and ashamed that such a young boy was so strong in faith while I am not :(

There are so many other remarkable Saints that I should aspire towards. So many Saints who were so much younger yet so much wiser than I am.

I think it is so wonderful that God wants for us all to become saints, and that All Saints Day is actually a celebration of this call to sainthood for all of us, as much as it is a celebration of the deeds of past Saints.

I shall type out the story that Jacq told me and Kylie (or is it Kylie and I?) the other day:

Once a grandfather told his grandson that he must read the bible and read it well, because it contained the word of God, which was the most important thing of all. But the little boy complained. The bible is such a thick book, he said. I can never remember everything that is in it and everything is said in such a roundabout way that I do not understand.

The grandfather did not persue the matter. Instead, he gave the boy an old pot (the type used to put plants in) and instructed him to bring back some water from the well. The boy did as he was told, but by the time he came back, there was no water left in the pot, for there were cracks at the bottom of it.

He was afraid that his grandfather would chide him, but instead, his grandfather said. Look at the bottom of the pot- While it was once dirty and full of mud it is now clean. For although the water came out of the pot through the cracks, the water took the dirt away with it. It is the same with reading the bible. Although you might not feel it, as you read it, your soul is being cleansed and healed. You are being changed from within. Such is the power of God's Word.

I think it's such a beautiful story! And it's certainly strengthened my resolve the read the bible more and more duitifully.

Afterall, what can be better to read than the word of God himself?

2006-11-04T21:53:00.000+08:00

St. Therese of the Child Jesus' Prayer

My Lord and my God I have realized that whoever undertakes to do anything for the sake of earthly things or to earn the praise of others deceives himself. Today one thing pleases the world, tomorrow another. What is praised on one occasion is denounced on another.

Blessed be You, my Lord and my God, for You are unchangeable for all eternity. Whoever serves You faithfully to the end will enjoy life without end in eternity.

Amen.

I have realised many new things recently and I really do want to put them all down in words. But I am at a loss as to where to start and I have killed my eyes by staring at the computer screen the whole night so I guess I'll blog about them another time. I shall just note down random things today!

I like blogging. By putting down all my thoughts into words I can straighten out my thoughts and formalise them in words. Plus I can read my entries later and be reminded of my little revelations and check if I have been putting them into practice.

I think "the Lord be with you" is such a beauiful greeting/blessing. MAY THE LORD BE WITH EVERYONE! But you must allow Him to, first.

Today's homily was thought-provoking. Dear God, please make love for everyone a very natural and instinctive thing for me. I pray that I will be able to look into the face of everyone and feel nothing but love for them, a love as strong as that of God's love for me. May this love affect my entire being and behaviour toward everyone, and change annoyance/irritance/anger/jealousy into the graces of care/kindness/concern and empathy. Let me start right from home, when I am still unable to be totally loving and caring toward my brother and sister, and I still respond with annoyance to my parents. Who am I to judge others, if I do not wish to be judged myself? And how can I treat others with anything less than true love when I myself, such an undeserving and sinful person, am the recepient of God's unconditional love? Dear God, please take away my self-centeredness and pride. Remind me that humility means thinking less of myself and more of others.

I understand that spiritual growth takes time. Just by listening to today's homily will not immediately change me into a truly loving person. So I shall remind myself everyday, of the need to love my neighbour as myself. I shall make a conscious effort to do it. But it'll be difficult sigh. Even during mass after I heard the homily I wasn't feeling especially loving toward my brother and sister. Love must be my nature.

I SHALL LOVEEEEEEE YES.

Okay before I kill my eyes for good I shall go off now. GOODNIGHT!

2006-10-31T22:03:00.000+08:00

Life is so short and unpredictable!

Wenny told me she went for the funeral of the guy in the newspapers the other day. He died in his sleep on his 16th birthday of some heart failure.

We think that we are so young, and that we have so many years ahead of us. We think that we are going to university, get a job, marry, have kids, retire and die old. But we are wrong. Our lives may be taken away anytime. It might be one year later, one month later, tomorrow, or maybe in the next moment.

You know how people always say that we should live everyday like it is our last?

I think instead of just knowing it we need to live it. Won't it be so sad if we died today and we spent yesterday quarelling with our parents or slacking away and rotting at home or watching youtube/TV to the wee hours of the night. We wouldn't have a chance to say sorry to our parents, we wouldn't have a chance to make full use of that last day to do all the meaningful things we wanted to do, our last memory would be of some korean/ taiwanese boyband/ popstar/ idol that we'll never get to marry anyway because we're well, dead.

And what if we died not knowing the truth? The truth about our lives, who we really are, what we're really living for, where we are going to go after this life, what is really wrong, what is right. That would be really sad.

We think, we assume that we have the rest of our lives to find out about these things. But what if, what if our life ends tomorrow?

2006-10-29T20:42:00.000+08:00

And then as usual it turned out so easy in the end.

Silly silly me.

UGH chinese is so horrible. I can't believe that tmr we're going to sit for chinese for 4 hours and in that 4 hours write almost 2 essays, do almost 4 compres and other horrible things.

Oh well in JC exams are apparently much more terrible so I shall be thankful (:

And if we were like everyone else and taking so many other O levels we wouldn't even be bothering with chinese at all!

And it'll all be over soon anyway!

:( I have a terrible runny nose. Maybe it's a sign telling me to forget chinese and go to bed :D

I shall go off now GOODBYE EVERYONE (:

Tmr I will be very very happy! :D

2006-10-28T22:30:00.000+08:00

I must remember, that everything I do, I do for God's glory. Not for mine.

It was quite painful to type out the last 3 words. We are all such proud people, we don't like to admit bad things.

Haha I could have typed "I am such a proud person", but I tried to drag everyone else down with me.

SIGH. Pride pride pride.

Funny how we are/I am so blind to such things.

:( :( :(

Funny how things that are supposed to be good become bad/annoying/stressful just because I am always being silly.

2006-10-27T23:11:00.000+08:00

I feel a lot happier now (:

But SIGH I still wonder, how do you know what God wants when He seems silent.

HOW DO I KNOW :(

And then there is this part in the purpose driven life which bothers me.

"We worry when God seems silent on specific issues like "What career should I choose?". The truth is, there are many different careers that could be in God's will for your life. What God cares about most is that whatever you do, you do in a Christlike manner. God is far more interested in what you are than in what you do. We are human beings, not human doings. God is much more concerned about your character than your career, because you will take your character into eternity, but not your career."

It does make a lot of sense. But it bothers me because what I think it means is that God does not have a definite answer for everything in my life.

Which is kind of good because it means that we have free will. But I want God to tell me the answer when I don't know it :(

Simeon told me that all we need to know is that God has an answer. It sounded very reassuring when he said it, but sigh it stil doesn't answer all the questions I don't know the answer to :(

Haha these two are like my favourite topics. God + decision making and spiritual closeness with God.

It is also because I have a preoccupation with this decision making thing that I try to find coincidences and signs and stuff in my life. But I know they are most probably wrong guesses :(

I don't know. Maybe I am looking the wrong way. Maybe there are no answers. Maybe that is it, I should just relax and let God do the rest.

But I guess, whatever it is, I should just be thankful because I know that God exists, and that He loves me.

How far I have come! 1 year ago or so, I was still reassuring myself that God existed with the verse "blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe" (John 20). 1 year later I KNOW that God is the very present in my life, and that He who I live my life for. That surely is a big step in the right direction :D

So I shall take comfort in the knowledge that spiritual growth will take place with commitment and persistence.

When Jesus says "Come, be my disciple" I will be like Matthew and get up and follow Him (: (Matthew 9:9)

The bible says that to grow spiritually we must also "think the same way that Christ Jesus thought". (Philippians 2:7) SIGH. How would Jesus have thought if he didn't know what to do and God seemed silent? Maybe it is somewhere in the bible, just that because I don't know the bible very well I don't know.

Maybe maybe maybe.

Haha maybe I should stop rambling and go off now. Oh my it is 11.30 already I was supposed to have gone off at 11.

I think something is wrong with me! I must remember that my focus is always on GOD and everything else fades away in importance. The ultimate aim after all, is eternity.

GOODNIGHT WORLD! I pray that everyone will be able to go to sleep at peace with themselves and with everyone tonight. Amen!

2006-10-26T23:41:00.000+08:00

It suddenly struck me that spiritual closeness is a choice. Because God is always there with open arms, waiting.

I think I always sort of knew it, but it never came to me as being so simple.

Ah I shall go off now. There are many mosquitoes in my house at night! GOODNIGHT (:

2006-10-26T14:01:00.000+08:00

I never really thought that Jesus dying on the cross for our sins was that big a deal. After all, I used to think, if I was put in a position where I could save many lives with my life, I wouldn't mind giving up my own life. For the common good, you know.

Ah that was what I thought. But of course, I guess, when it actually comes to a situation like that, selfish me would never be brave enough to hang on a cross for hours in excruciating pain. I would probably have thought up excuses :(

And what if, what if Jesus says, "Even if you were the only person on earth, I would have died for you."

I want to cry!
I think that is such a beautiful line.
Jesus thank you for your sacrifice. You were only human, with very human thoughts and human feelings, but yet You gave Your life on the cross for me so that I may have eternal life. You love me so much I do not deserve it. I thank You with all my heart.

2006-10-25T23:14:00.000+08:00

Powerful Novena to the Infant Jesus

O Jesus, Who hast said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you," through the intercession of Mary, Thy most holy Mother I knock, I seek, I as that my prayer be granted: [insert petition here].

O Jesus, Who hast said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name He will grant you," through the intercession of Mary, Thy most holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask Thy Father in Thy Name that my prayer will be granted: [insert petition here].

O Jesus, Who hast said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away, but My word shall not pass away," through the intercession of Mary, Thy most holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted: [insert petition here].

2006-10-23T23:40:00.000+08:00

The mark of an intelligent person, in my opinion, is the ability to formulate well thought through opinions on issues.

I should think more about important matters.

Just blindly reading and receiving is not enough. In this day and age when information comes to us so quickly and from various media we must be able to piece together all of these to formulate a stand.

I did not know about the recent incident even though it had been blown up to such proportions, until my father told me about it today.

I feel sorry for her. There are many people I know who think the same way as she does. In a sense she was unlucky and unwise, to post such a blog entry, and to have it discovered by the internet community. But I think this also serves as a wake up call for people sharing her sentiments. It reminds everyone with the same 'elitist' view that the rest of Singapore doesn't feel the same way; and that the rest of Singapore will not respond kindly to such views when articulated.

Whether her views are right, or whether they were put across the right way, I feel that the internet community has been overly harsh in condemning her. It is fine to comment on her views, but you should not single her out and make her face publicly known by posting up her photos- and photos of her in a bikini, no less! Vulgarities and comments on how her parents have raised their children are also uncalled for.

This thing, the internet, can be mean and cruel, especially since everyone is hiding behind a comfortable screen of annoymity.

This is a really good article on the incident. I aspire to be like the author. I want to write as well as she does, and argue as persuasively!
http://kitana.wordpress.com/2006/10/21/class-disconnect/

Scary thing about reading all this is that I realised I did not have a opinion on this whole issue. I know the arguments on both sides, but which side do I believe in?

Sometimes it's so hard to decide!

Enough of thinking for tonight! I shall blog a little about family, which is what I have felt quite strongly about this weekend and some time before as well.

My mother always reminded me that family was the most important. She said, at the end of the day, it is your family that will be there for you. Of course there will be friends. But in the end, blood ties are the most lasting and blood connections are the deepest.

This year I have been worried that time was passing so fast, that I would soon have to leave secondary school, that I would have to grow up so soon. But it never struck me that all this growing up would mean that in addition to becoming more distant from my secondary school friends, my carefree life, my happy days etc., I would become more distant from my family.

Oh sure it is an inevitable thing. Eventually I will have to leave my family, live on my own, get married, start my own family and so on. But the only way the bonds of family will withstand distance and time is if they are strong enough. This strength will need to be built up very early on.

My relationship with my parents are good I would say. But with my sister and brother I am not too sure. The three of us, we are not very close. My sister respects me as someone older and cooler and smarter I suppose, but she doesn't trust me enough to tell me her secrets, neither does she listen to me when I tell her to do things (even when they are in her best interests). With my brother it is worse. I find him annoying and he finds me annoying too. Not to say that we don't love each other- I am sure we do.

Whatever it is, this isn't the best our relationships can get. I want them to become better but I am also aware that there is very little time. We are all growing up, and before long my brother and sister will change, refuse to talk much anymore, blast loud music in their rooms, stay out late etc. Then it might be harder to reach them and connect with them.

So I shall start today! I shall try to get closer to my siblings. 20 years from now I want us to be to each other how my mother's siblings are to one another. And we must stick even closer than ever, because while my mother has 10 siblings, there are only the 3 of us.

Okay it's late. GOODNIGHT WORLD!

2006-10-19T22:36:00.000+08:00

With God on my side I am invincible!

I actually had lots of things to say, but I forgot them all. I just have a general feeling of extreme thankfulness. For everything and everything. For all the miracles, big and small, that God has worked in my life the past few days. Actually we just have to open our eyes wider, and we will see that His work is all around us. I just feel so happy! I think understand what it means to want to sing for joy now haha.

I was feeling very spiritually dry not too long ago. I was wondering how I lost the feeling, because I had done nothing different. Silly me. Human beings are too much about feelings I think! Feelings and emotions come and go. The only constant throughout everything is God's great love. We might go through spiritual highs, and spiritual lows. But through it all we must remember this one great truth.

My mother once said that we were made to suffer. I didn't like how that sounded. It makes our lives sound so gloomy, like we are damned since birth for suffering. But maybe it is true after all. When Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, we were cursed with sin, and sin in this world brings suffering.

I like to look at it another way though. That, our lives on earth are a preparation for heaven. Going through all these trials and tribulations helps to develop our character and to weed out the weak in faith. What is the most encouraging is that whatever test God throws at us, he will provide us with enough strength to endure it, if only we rely on Him, and call on Him for help (:

Ah I think I should go to bed now! GOODNIGHT WORLD (:

This is a really beautiful song. I want the mp3! Does anyone have it!:

We will rise again by David Haas

Like a shepherd I will feed you
I will gather you with care
I will lead you and hold you
Close to my heart

We will run and not grow weary
For our God will be our strength
And we will fly like the eagle
We will rise again

I am strength to the weary
To the weak I am new life
Though the young may grow weary
I will be their hope

Lift up your eyes
And see who made the stars
I lead you, and I know you
I call you each by name

2006-10-15T21:44:00.000+08:00

I shall not worry about the subjects I am going to take in JC!

I will just pray and God will take care of the rest. He will make sure I find the answer (:

God's ways are not ours (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Everything will turn out fine in the end because God wants the best for me (:

BAH something I still haven't learnt is how to be BRAVE :(

I shall work on it! Because there are so many things I will need to be brave about very soon!

Sigh I think I am very silly sometimes!

TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE A BEAUTIFUL DAY! (:

2006-10-11T23:00:00.000+08:00

"You don't need to know all about God to be loved by God, and to love God back. "