YYYThursday, September 18, 2008
Haha I haven't blogged for the longest time and I doubt anyone even comes here anymore, but I ought to get this down so that I won't forget.
The prelims ended yesterday, and I'm extremely grateful for how God saw me through it. There were days when I felt I was so unprepared, like for SEAhist and Lit paper 3. My biggest fear was that I would have nothing write and that the 3 hours would be so agonising. But when I went for morning prayer, I just surrendered it all to God. Mr Lee also reminded me of something I often forget- that all we should seek for in our exams is to give glory to God. These papers turned out alright in the end!
I just want to thank God for how He's helped me come so far. Academically, JC hasn't been that great for me. In secondary school it was very different. There was no stress and never a lot of emphasis on academics, because we didn't have to sit for the O levels. I just did my best for every exam, and my best was always enough. I was satisfied with my results, which weren't stellar but were probably above average.
I think part of the problem in JC was my subject combi. I enjoy my history and literature lessons, but I'm not naturally talented in the humanities. So suddenly I was faced with a whole new situation- I tried my best as usual, but now my best was somehow not enough. It was a very steep learning curve I must say, and there were many times I felt very inadequate. But now, everything seems to be falling into place. I have taken the mock A levels and they weren't too bad after all (: I still have a lot of studying to do, but the A levels don't really seem so scary anymore.
So I'm really thankful for how God has seen me through all of this. I wonder sometimes how things would be different, or even easier, if I had taken science instead. But I guess there is a reason for everything, and I must trust in God's perfect plan. Perhaps these 2 years have been a time for becoming more vulnerable, more reliant on God, and through this my relationship with Him has grown. Looking back, I do see God's hand at work. In secondary school, God gave me many blessings. He made everything work out well for me. In JC, it was a new kind of relationship. Things did not go that well for me, not just in my studies. But my weak faith was brought to a deeper level through these. (Haha I'm talking about JC in the past tense even though I'm still in it! But I'm referring to the past 1 and 3/4 years la.)
Something which continues to be a great strength for me is 3 separate testimonies I heard from 3 people in church. The first I heard in sec 3. This person shared with me her struggles in the O levels, to do well enough so that she could get into JC. She prayed very hard about it, and finally, God gave her the minimum score she needed to get into a JC. The same struggle was repeated during her A levels, and again she prayed very hard because she knew she could not do it on her own strength. Once again, God gave her the minimum score necessary to get into a university. Now, she is a teacher in charge of the pastoral program in an IJ school and I believe that she will be a great source of inspiration to others!
The next sharing was during a homily/ sermon by my new parish priest at mass maybe 1-2 months back. He was sharing about how he was sent to Rome to do a masters in church history/ bible studies (not sure haha) some years ago. The entire course was taught in Italian, which he had only taken very basic lessons in 2 months prior to that. Naturally then he struggled through the course and wanted to give up many times. His final exam was to be a kind of oral exam with the professor- in Italian, of course. He prayed very hard about it, praying that God would give him the gift of tongues so that he would suddenly be able to speak fluent Italian. This, however, did not happen during the exam, which he stumbled through and expected to definitely fail. But, when the results came out, it turned out that he did very well, better than some the Italian priests themselves in fact. God, my priest said, did not give him the gift of tongues that day, but He had instead given the Italian professor the gift of interpretation of tongues, thus enabling him to understand the garbled Italian of my priest.
Finally, that same day, someone else shared about his experiences in university. He said that although he studied very hard, there were a few modules he took that he somehow couldn't understand. During the exams for each of these modules, he could not answer most of the questions, and prayed very hard throughout, for it seemed impossible for him to pass. If he failed he would have to retake these modules the next year. However, God was always faithful, God always saw him through, giving him, on the dot, the necessary minimum of a D grade to pass.
Taken together, the very strong message that comes out from these testimonies for me is that God will always give us what we need. There are many things that we might want, but God knows us better than we know ourselves, and will always make sure that we get what we need. And I think sometimes He just lets us scrape by, so that we will remember that we have done it only through Him and because of Him, and definitely not by our own strength.
There are a lot of uncertainties going to come up, and I am a person who hates uncertainties. So I am filled with great hope, because I know that even though I am quite clueless about uni apps to overseas universities, even though I am not confident of getting 4 As for the A levels or about getting a scholarship to go overseas to study, God will always make sure that I get to the place which will be best for me, according to his perfect plan. (:
10:15 AM
