YYYTuesday, November 13, 2007
Amanda Chong's 2004 prize-winning Commonwealth essay "What the Modern Woman Wants" has been circulating around through email again. I read the essay in sec 2 but reading it this time with the benefit of greater maturity has really evoked different emotions and I feel I read with much greater understanding and appreciation.
The story is so deeply saddening! The mother prayed very hard that her daughter would have a life different from hers, and yet when her daughter did indeed gain wealth and success this was achieved at such a great cost.
While I did feel that the plot verged a little on the overly dramatic and sentimental, it is, sadly, a very accurate and jarring reflection of society today. There does seem to be a growing lack of filial piety, as seen in the oft-cited example of how parents have to resort to suing their children for financial support in their old age. Even more worrying is this general lack of happiness although all the statistics (standard of living, economic growth rates, number of millionaires in the country etc.) tell us that we have never had it so good before.
"The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes. Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter left the earth everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions. The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there - down."
I think this is a reminder for all of us trying (be it unconsciously or not) to live up to the modern standards of success, that these are really not what matters. We must be careful of losing ourselves in the pursuit of these transient things. It is indeed very sad to be searching for the meaning of life in these dead things (a high-flying job, good paper qualifications, wealth etc.) and to have suck so deep that you cannot even see or understand what is going wrong.
'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda. 'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love,Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down... Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10% increase!' Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her...And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears. Ahh I really like the concluding line of the essay. It is written so beautifully. It is so amazing that Amanda Chong was able to write such an insightful essay so fluently and beautifully when she was just 15.
Everybody should read the essay again! Haha I think I just spoilt it quite a bit but nevermind. Read it
here.
And I just pray, that even as I am/ we are aware of the sillyness of modern life, that I/ we will be able to extricate ourselves from it. Because it is so, so, so hard to do so. Even though I
know all this, I cannot live it out.
I put some of the blame on the school environment and the values the teachers and schoolmates propagate. But at the end of the day it is what I myself make of it isn't it. I am the one who chooses to place the stress on myself to excel. Excel for what reason? When I do stop to ask myself why I realise there is no good reason. But I don't stop and reflect on this often. Competitiveness/ pride/ envy is so deeply ingrained in me. It's part of me, it's my nature. And I hate that about myself.
But of course, human beings are imperfect. We have so many very human weaknesses, which makes our lives on earth so silly. Which is why I guess I just have to keep reminding myself about all of this. Because it just makes me more eager to go up to heaven, where all our weaknesses will be stripped away, and our dirty hearts cleansed and healed.
As for competitiveness/ pride/ envy, all I can do is to ask God to enter my heart and purify it, to change me from within. Which is why this is now one of my fave songs, and I lift it up in prayer:
Purify my heartLet me be as gold and precious silverPurify my heartLet me be as gold, pure gold (Chorus)Refiner's fireMy hearts one desire is to be holySet apart for You LordI choose to be holySet apart for You my master,Ready to do Your will. Purify my heartCleanse me from within and make my holyPurify my heartCleanse me from my sin, deep within
5:55 PM
