YYYFriday, July 13, 2007
I haven't blogged in a long time cos I've been lazy.
But I am feeling happy and hopeful now cos its a friday night! So I shall blog to remember stuff I learnt today.
At prayer mtg this morning we read The Screwtape Letters again. Today's letter was about love, about how the love we have for others i.e. our parents, friends, is a selfish kind of love. It is very often the case that we love our family and friends because of what they can do for us. This is not true love, this is unlike the unconditional love God has for us.
But how do we come to love unconditionally as God does? Mr Lee said since Jesus said, you must love your neighbour as yourself, before you can love your neighbour properly, you have to first love yourself. Only when you love yourself, can you be comfortable and content with your state in life. Thus you will not love only on the condition of gaining something from the other person. You will be free to be a conduit for God's true love.
I think that this is something I have a v big problem with. I am a perfectionist. This makes life v tiring and difficult for me cos I am always not happy with who I am and what I do. I know my flaws, and I don't like them. I keep wanting to be someone different, someone "better" than what I am now. I am also a v judgemental person, and so I just as I judge others, I judge myself too/ I expect myself to be judged by others.
And so I don't think I really do love unconditionally. I don't think I even understand what it means to love unconditionally, actually. I love my family, but is it because they provide me with food, money, a sense of belonging/ home, and love? I love my friends, but is it just because they are fun to be with and they provide a listening ear? It seems that I love these people only because of what they can provide me.
Even my love for God. Why do I love God anyway? Is it just cos He's always there for me and He helps me in times of need and answers my prayers? Is it because I want to go to heaven? Are these valid reasons for loving God? Should there even be reasons for loving God?
Haha this is getting v depressing. So I think I shall take things one step at a time! I shall work on loving myself first. Yes, I must remember that I am God's special creation, and that He made me this way for a reason! He is the divine Creator so who am I to question/ be discontented with the way I am? Furthermore, God loves me for no reason at all! He loves me just for being me, and that is the most important and the best thing of all! :D
Plus! I must also remember not to wallow in self-pity. If I think more about others than I think about myself I wouldn't have so much time to think about negative things about myself!
Okay this has been a great week! I tried to keep peaceful and zen about things and I think it sort of worked! I shall go off to bed now and look forward to the weekend ahead (:
11:17 PM
