YYYFriday, December 15, 2006
I hate it when I break my promises to God. It puts a big rock between me and God and after that my relationship with Him starts to go downhill.
Sometimes I commit a big sin. After that I feel that since I have already sinned so much I can't be bothered to consciously stop myself from sinning anymore. So I just follow my impulses and do bad things like shout at my siblings or be grumpy and mean to people.
One I've gotten into this phase I find it so hard to pull myself out of it. The sinful way seems the most convenient way all the time. No wonder people say it's tough to be a Christian. But I hate it. I hate how God feels so distant, how I don't feel His love all around me, how I seem to be floating around aimlessly in my life of sin.
This hasn't been as good a week as the other weeks of my holidays. My whole family except my mother came down with stomach flu so we spent all our time lying around in bed and puking the whole time. Given my sad condition I started lapsing into the aforementioned and sigh, here I am today.
There are so many things to do! I need to clear my room for the carpenters to build the new cupboards, I need to pack my things for China, and most importantly I need to rebuild my relationship with God.
Argh my stomach still feels queasy. Don't know if China food will be too much for it :(
Oh well what to do. The only thing I can do is to pray, even though it doesn't feel like I am praying with much conviction these days :(
Dear Lord, I love You. Thank you for everything You do for me. Thank you for always being there for me even though I am not always faithful. Thank you for giving me confidence (not complacency I hope!) in Your ever-present love. I pray that You will give me the strength to persevere in Your way every day. Send your Holy Spirit down onto me, to help me not to repeat the same old sins over and over again. Help me choose the right way instead of the easy way. Help me turn away all temptation and say no! to the devil. Although I know Your love for me is more than feelings, let me feel your love for me, so that I won't feel so alone :(
Amen!
I think I need to go for Confession soon!
And we really need to restart family prayers again! We said the rosary together for a prety long time. Like, 3 weeks? After that there were a few days we didn't for various reasons and now we don't pray anymore. But hooray the upcoming holiday in China will be a good opportunity to start again because my dad will finally be free to join in! Thank you God for this wonderful opportunity and I hope that we will make full use of it (:
Yijun's birthday yesterday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I LOVE YOU (:
And we are finally going to have our CmPS Christmas party at my house! Yitian and I are going to cook HAHAHA :D
Many good things in my life! I should stop being so ungrateful for everything. My mum says that if keep saying like, this day was bad, or stuff like that God might just decide that He will make this the best day of my life by making the rest of my life really horrible. (Did that make sense?) Yes, so I should be very thankful because I really am so much luckier than 99% of the world!
So in this very thankful mood I shall end this post and say GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY and GOD BLESS (:
5:20 PM
