Five Loaves and Two Fishes- Corrinne May

A little boy of thirteen was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing and he went to take a look
Thousands were listening to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom, even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly, the day turned to night
Everyone was hungry but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do, there were thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
The kindness in His smile
And the boy cried out
With the trust of a child he said:

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you willI surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all"

I often think about that boy when I'm feeling small
And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
And every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small... No gift is too small

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmuWmXX2mCU

9:07 PM

The SFX combined youth camp just ended today. It was great! God is great (:

Haha okay I shall go off to bed now. Maybe I will blog about it another time. Tmr I shall wake up and face a brand new day and get down to doing smth constructive with my post-A level life!!

Love the Lord your God
With all your heart
With all your soul
With all your mind
And with all your strength

With all your heart
With all your soul
With all your mind
And with all your strength

I will serve the Lord
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And with all my strength

I will love You (I will love You)
I will praise You (I will praise You)
I will serve You, Lord (I will serve You)
I will trust You, Lord (I will trust You)

I will love You Lord
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And with all my strength

12:19 AM

The As have been over for like 4 days, but it seems like they have been for a long time already (:
Haha okay so now its time for some post-As reflections!

I think that, spiritually, I have learned a lot from this A level period. Perhaps next time when I look back on hindsight I might even find that what I learnt was far more impt than my grades themselves.

Prior to the As, I was quite pleased with how I did for my prelims. I was certain that in the period leading up to the As I would absorb even higher level stuff/ become even more familiar with all the content/ totally internalise all the history stuff that needed memorising. I envisioned myself totally breezing through my As with minimal stress, much unlike the uncertainty and fears of the prelims.

So I was very very disappointed with how my SEAhist paper turned out. I somehow missed out the "newly independent" part of the democracy question, got confused while writing abt decol, and my IS tensions essay was short due to time management problems. On the whole I just felt that I hadn't performed as well as I could have. I had wanted my A levels to be perfect- I would write the best essays I had ever written, I would totally show off everything I had learnt. I felt that I had let myself down in the end, esp since I was expecting SEAhist to be my better history paper.

I moped arnd for part of the wkend after SEAhist, though I felt much better after the exam prayer session in church where I was reminded that God is in control of my exam results. Okay, I thought, I will try to surrender more to God, I will try to do better for my 2nd history paper. Next came GP and Math paper 1, which were okay. I didn't finish my AQ, and I think I made a lot of careless mistakes for Math, but I wasn't too disappointed. I had revised my initial, overly high expectations and anyway there were a lot of papers the next wk which I had to start preparing for.

But I had caught a terrible cold during math paper 1 and this is when the real trouble started. The cold soon developed into a flu and then into a sort of asthma attack/ bronchitis kinda thing. Math paper 2 was alright since math doesn't need a lot of studying just before the exam, but it was quite torturous mugging for the 4 papers in a row the next week (Lit 1, Econs 1 & 2 and History 1) while coughing and feeling unwell. I went to see the doctor and told him not to give me any medicine which would make me drowsy, because I needed to be alert during my papers and I needed to do a lot of last minute mugging! I didn't know it then, but so the medicine he gave me made me unable to sleep instead. It was really bad! I couldn't fall asleep for 4-5 nights in a row. Like the night before the morning Lit paper I went to sleep at about 3am- and I'm a person needs a lot of sleep!

All this while, I was praying very hard. There was nth else I could do! I was sick, mysteriously unable to sleep at night, and hence also unable to get much proper studying done. God was very faithful. He worked many miracles for me. I would pray and ask for a huge miracle- "Lord, please work a miracle. Help me to finish studying for Econs in time because I have no energy and so few hours left"- and He would give me what I asked for, even as I ended up having to ask for more and more miracles (all the time saying that this would be the last time I was going to ask for one!).

The change in my rship with God came when I found out, the night before my IH paper (the 2nd last paper), that the medicine was the cause of my sleepless nights. I got very angry with God. Before, it was easy to think that perhaps, God was afflicting me with sickness and insomnia because He wanted me to relax, He wanted me to see that the As weren't so impt, He had a plan for me etc. Now that I knew the cause of at least my insomnia, I began to feel very angry, and wondered why God was allowing all this to happen to me, why I had to waste so many precious sleepless hours which could have been spent studying, why I had to suffer so much during my As when all I wanted to do was to concentrate on studying. There was a lot of self-pity in all this I know, and I was aware of it at that point in time. But still, for the first time ever, I was very angry and frustrated with God, and I told Him so.

I feel that that was a breakthrough in my rship with Him, because there is now a new level of honesty. There is also greater acknowledgment that indeed, God is totally in control of all aspects of my life. This is smth I'm still having trouble with because very often, my pride gets in the way. In fact, after my SEAhist paper, I felt a little resentful even, because I felt/ knew that through my disappointing performance God was reminding me that He is ultimately still the one in control. I had prayed hard during my prelims because I felt unprepared, and my whole post-prelim-pre-A level prep was motivated by the thought of preventing that from happening again. I wanted to be in control of my A levels. I didn't want to have to leave it up to God and his plan/ whims and fancies. But eventually, I ended up having to pray even harder, and I didn't like having to do that.

I say that there is greater acknowledgment that God is in control now because even as I was mad at Him the day before my History paper, I still (had to) turn(ed) to Him for help. And He responded by working yet another miracle that week, by making the History paper turn out okay- I could answer 3 essay questions (just nice) even though I had memorised so little the day before it was highly likely I couldn't find 3 questions to answer.

After History, my sickness ran its course and I got well before the last Lit paper. Haha in time to play after the end of As! Lit turned out to be a good end to the As because unlike many of my other papers I actually completed 3 whole essays w conclusions and all that, and it actually turned out better than expected! (:

Yay okay I'm nearing the end of this really long winded post. Hm perhaps I made the As out to be more terrible than they actually were above. Perhaps I took the As, the prelims and in fact all my academic studies in JC too seriously. I dunno. But I think I've def grown a lot over the As. Not in the way I would have liked it, but I'm grateful anyhow, and I'm fully aware of how I'm alr v v lucky and blessed and that I'm really too self-absorbed.

Many fun weeks ahead! I'll end here :D

12:14 AM

Haha I haven't blogged for the longest time and I doubt anyone even comes here anymore, but I ought to get this down so that I won't forget.

The prelims ended yesterday, and I'm extremely grateful for how God saw me through it. There were days when I felt I was so unprepared, like for SEAhist and Lit paper 3. My biggest fear was that I would have nothing write and that the 3 hours would be so agonising. But when I went for morning prayer, I just surrendered it all to God. Mr Lee also reminded me of something I often forget- that all we should seek for in our exams is to give glory to God. These papers turned out alright in the end!

I just want to thank God for how He's helped me come so far. Academically, JC hasn't been that great for me. In secondary school it was very different. There was no stress and never a lot of emphasis on academics, because we didn't have to sit for the O levels. I just did my best for every exam, and my best was always enough. I was satisfied with my results, which weren't stellar but were probably above average.

I think part of the problem in JC was my subject combi. I enjoy my history and literature lessons, but I'm not naturally talented in the humanities. So suddenly I was faced with a whole new situation- I tried my best as usual, but now my best was somehow not enough. It was a very steep learning curve I must say, and there were many times I felt very inadequate. But now, everything seems to be falling into place. I have taken the mock A levels and they weren't too bad after all (: I still have a lot of studying to do, but the A levels don't really seem so scary anymore.

So I'm really thankful for how God has seen me through all of this. I wonder sometimes how things would be different, or even easier, if I had taken science instead. But I guess there is a reason for everything, and I must trust in God's perfect plan. Perhaps these 2 years have been a time for becoming more vulnerable, more reliant on God, and through this my relationship with Him has grown. Looking back, I do see God's hand at work. In secondary school, God gave me many blessings. He made everything work out well for me. In JC, it was a new kind of relationship. Things did not go that well for me, not just in my studies. But my weak faith was brought to a deeper level through these. (Haha I'm talking about JC in the past tense even though I'm still in it! But I'm referring to the past 1 and 3/4 years la.)

Something which continues to be a great strength for me is 3 separate testimonies I heard from 3 people in church. The first I heard in sec 3. This person shared with me her struggles in the O levels, to do well enough so that she could get into JC. She prayed very hard about it, and finally, God gave her the minimum score she needed to get into a JC. The same struggle was repeated during her A levels, and again she prayed very hard because she knew she could not do it on her own strength. Once again, God gave her the minimum score necessary to get into a university. Now, she is a teacher in charge of the pastoral program in an IJ school and I believe that she will be a great source of inspiration to others!

The next sharing was during a homily/ sermon by my new parish priest at mass maybe 1-2 months back. He was sharing about how he was sent to Rome to do a masters in church history/ bible studies (not sure haha) some years ago. The entire course was taught in Italian, which he had only taken very basic lessons in 2 months prior to that. Naturally then he struggled through the course and wanted to give up many times. His final exam was to be a kind of oral exam with the professor- in Italian, of course. He prayed very hard about it, praying that God would give him the gift of tongues so that he would suddenly be able to speak fluent Italian. This, however, did not happen during the exam, which he stumbled through and expected to definitely fail. But, when the results came out, it turned out that he did very well, better than some the Italian priests themselves in fact. God, my priest said, did not give him the gift of tongues that day, but He had instead given the Italian professor the gift of interpretation of tongues, thus enabling him to understand the garbled Italian of my priest.

Finally, that same day, someone else shared about his experiences in university. He said that although he studied very hard, there were a few modules he took that he somehow couldn't understand. During the exams for each of these modules, he could not answer most of the questions, and prayed very hard throughout, for it seemed impossible for him to pass. If he failed he would have to retake these modules the next year. However, God was always faithful, God always saw him through, giving him, on the dot, the necessary minimum of a D grade to pass.

Taken together, the very strong message that comes out from these testimonies for me is that God will always give us what we need. There are many things that we might want, but God knows us better than we know ourselves, and will always make sure that we get what we need. And I think sometimes He just lets us scrape by, so that we will remember that we have done it only through Him and because of Him, and definitely not by our own strength.

There are a lot of uncertainties going to come up, and I am a person who hates uncertainties. So I am filled with great hope, because I know that even though I am quite clueless about uni apps to overseas universities, even though I am not confident of getting 4 As for the A levels or about getting a scholarship to go overseas to study, God will always make sure that I get to the place which will be best for me, according to his perfect plan. (:

10:15 AM

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"-- Matthew 6:26




Thank you God for always being there for me, at all the times I least expect it.



On a separate note, I need to concentrate on studying! I'm really distracted with so many things going on. And my h3 being quite unfinished makes things even harder :(

10:11 PM

Jesus, Lover of My Soul

Jesus, Lover of my soul,
Jesus, I will never let you go
You’ve taken me from the miry clay
You've set my feet upon the rock, and now i know

I love you, I need you,
Though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go
My Saviour, my closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end

Cute 6-year-old girl singing the song here (:

Confirmation camp was great! Ah I should write everything properly when I have the time. But very briefly I think it was a great learning experience for myself as well. The camp reminded me of what I had forgotten/ come to take for granted- that God can work in truly amazing and huge ways, and that all we have to do is to surrender ourselves to Him and let Him use us as His instruments. I could really feel the Spirit moving throughout the Camp and especially so during the morning prayer sessions when everyone just came together to pray with one heart for the Confirmants to be touched by God. I went to the camp very unprepared, with my own struggles and distractions, and I must say, it was an extremely humbling experience, to just surrender everything to God because I was so inadequate myself. Touch time was a big struggle for me when it had never been previously. I found myself trying to preach, or at a loss for what to say. Only when I relaxed and let the Spirit take control did everything fall into place. During the last sharing on the last day, when the Confirmants finally opened up and shared about how they had grew during the camp, it was just great, and I know that it was God who made all this possible. Ahh since camp ended on Monday studying has been sooo difficult. But I know that it must be the devil at work! Everytime I feel extremely convicted about God the devil will always start attacking me doubly hard, that I've come to realise. So I must persevere and not let him win this time!

Alright back to studying then! I've got a ton of studying to do. I have no idea how I'm going to finish :( God I need your help!!

Yay okay I shall end with a photo of wonderful group 4 (:

4:34 PM

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."- 2 Cor 12: 7-10

Ah I dunno what to say, but this was so powerful I had to post it up.

8:03 PM

"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."- 1 Samuel 16:7

"but the Lord looks at the heart". Such a simple truth, so beautiful in its simplicity! I can really really feel God's unconditional love radiating though. It tells me that despite all my insecurities, all my fears, the million things I don't like about myself, all that matters to God is that I have a heart that seeks Him, a heart that loves Him.

And I really pray for the strength to just be God's little instrument in this world, if He so wishes it. Many a time I find the pressures of this world too hard to bear, and my internal battles too tiring to fight. I pray for the courage to let go of all of these (it's all self-centeredness, really), to live radically for God. I aspire to live like Mother Theresa did, always with a smile on her face despite all the dirty work she did, all the suffering she saw, and despite 50 years of having no God in her heart.

I don't know. It's easy to get all spiritually high and fired up when you are in church, or in prayer, or even when typing out a blog post such as this one, but then it has to come to an end, and its the real world again. Which is hard, because I guess I'm not all that in touch with God yet.

But oh well I shall end here then. Because all my blog posts always tend to revolve around these same few issues. And I'm still unsure about whether it is pretentious to blog about God like this even though He seems to think it is okay, and I like blogging cos it helps me organise my thoughts/ it feels quite natural, and I was very inspired by this blog I read where the person was super honest about herself. Yes alright so I shall go off and face the world with COURAGE, and go off and conquer some fears now (:

9:58 PM

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."- Matthew 11:28

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."- Isaiah 40:30-31

11:37 PM

I will Run to You- Hillsong United

Your eye is on the sparrow
And Your hand, it comforts me
From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart
Let Your mercy and strength be seen

You call me to Your purpose
As angels understand
For Your glory, may You draw all men
As Your love and grace demand

And I will run to You
To Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the spirit of God

Yes I will run the race
Till I see Your face
Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace


Ah this song is really nice! We sang it at the Hearts on Fire rally on Sunday, which was really good!! It seems like it wasn't so long ago I went for last year's and I blogged about the verse that struck me most at the rally- "Speak Lord, Your servant is listening." I think I understand this verse a lot better now, one year on. This process of discovery hasn't been easy, but yes I must persevere in this life-long race to see Him face to face (: And I just pray for the strength that can come only from the Holy Spirit to sustain me!

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

10:48 PM

Yesterday was a really great day! I had so many things to thank God for! He really works miracles. Small miracles, but miracles all the same :D

Today shall be a good day too! I shall be industrious and prep a lot for SATs. There. Now I've put it down on my blog I've got to do it!

Oh and I went for the Jay Chou concert on Saturday!! It was really fun! Everyone was super high. During the last part of the concert the whole indoor stadium was standing up! Actually from the start quite a lot of people were standing up alr. And everyone knew all the lyrics of his songs. Our seats were good! They were quite near the side of the stage. So everytime Jay Chou came over we would run to the front barricade to wave :D

Haha I don't even like Jay Chou that much. But it was a really really fun concert! If I'm not too lazy I shall post some photos (:

4:48 PM

9:22 PM

I hate the world and its values! And I hate the way I can't help but get caught up in them :(

So my New Year's resolution of sorts is based on this verse:
"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." -Matthew 18

To be child-like, to have a pure and simple heart. That is what I hope for this year! I shall draw hope from this:
"... because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."- Matthew 17:20

Ah just by typing all these out I feel inspired and hopeful already (: But I think its going to be a hard year. I want to do like Jude said and let my current self, with all its bad ways, die. Yet, like he said, we often sing 'One way, Jesus', but what we/I actually mean is 'My way, Jesus'.

8:26 PM

Very very nice song!

I can almost see,
Your holiness,
As I look around this place.

With my arms stretched out,
To receive Your love,
I can see You face to face.

Spirit of God, lift me up,
Spirit of God, lift me up,
Fill me again with Your love,
Sweet spirit of God.

10:36 PM

I should blog about my trips before I forget about them!

K about my first trip with my family to Ho Chi Minh city in Vietnam from the 4th to the 8th of Dec first :)

We visited the War Remnants Museum which was basically this museum about the Vietnam War. There was also quite a bit on the First Indochina War.

Here's the sign to the museum!

My dad and I :)

Yup and although they said that everything there were historic truths, the account of the wars in the museum was quite biased haha. But I guess in that way the museum really showed the wars from the point of view of the Vietnamese.

The things there were quite frightening. Apparently during the Vietnam War the Americans sprayed this pesticide thing called Agent Orange Dioxin on the Vietnamese using helicopters.

This chemical led to many horrible side effects like those in the photos below.

Some babies were born with terrible deformities as result too. Don't know if you can see it in the photo properly, but there was actually 2 glass jars with dead babies in them.

There were also many other gross photos which showed the suffering people go through during wars. This one shows an American soldier holding up the remains of a Vietnamese. I can't really remember what the English translation of the caption said, but it was something like, "American GI holds up shreds of Vietcong".

We visited the Cu Chi Tunnels as well. Its a very long and deep underground network of tunnels (more than 200km long!) which the Vietnamese used first in their fight against the French, and then against the Americans.

The tunnels were made really really small and narrow so that the western soldiers wouldn't be able to get in. Haha here I am getting into one.

The Vietnamese are super ingenious! They camouflaged their air holes to provide ventilation for the tunnels in termite nests so that they wouldn't be found. And because they did their cooking underground, they specially redirected the smoke from the cooking far away from the tunnels. In fact, because they were so clever, the Americans didn't know about the tunnels until very much later. They even built an air base right over the tunnels!

We got to try to crawl through a very small part of the tunnel system. It had already been enlarged to accomodate western tourists and some lights had been installed, but it was really difficult! The tunnels were very hot and stuffy, plus you had to alternate between waddling like a duck and crawling on your knees. I really can't imagine what it must have been like for the Vietcong who spent so much time in those tunnels- and so many of them inside too!

We also got to see a lot of the booby traps the Vietnamese used, like this one.

But I think, even after seeing all these Vietnam War stuff, I will never be able to understand what they really went through/ what it's really like in a war. At the Cu Chi Tunnels the guide was showing us bomb craters, and I knew that the tunnel I was in was the very same one so many Vietnamese soldiers had been in, but it just felt so distant and so surreal. Just like when I was at the Thai-Burmese border during my ISLE trip and the Burmese soldiers, the landmines, and the abandoned Burmese village was just there. Ah we in Singapore really have too good a life!

Aside from these, we did a little more sight-seeing. Vietnam has quite a lot of nice architecture left over from the colonial period. Like this Catholic church:

And this post office:

This is me inside the post office. See the photo of Ho Chi Minh at the back! He's everywhere. Kinda like the king in Thailand.

The rest of the time we did a lot of shopping and eating. Haha our hotel was near this very big market so we went there almost everyday to shop! Shopping's quite scary though, because the Vietnamese people are very aggressive. They will grab you when you walk past their shop and try to get you to buy.

Crossing the roads to get to the market was also scary! There are many many motor bikes on the roads of Vietnam and they don't follow the traffic rules! There is a lot of horning going on too.

Vietnamese food isn't very nice. Everything is very sweet. But we did eat a lot of nice non-Vietnamese food haha. Actually I think the district we stayed in was quite touristy. A lot of places accepted US dollars and there were a lot of western tourists/ business people walking arnd. We didn't eat at any of those road-side stalls and stuff and we took cabs everywhere because they were very cheap. Yeah so even though it was a trip to a not so affluent country I think we only saw the richer parts, and we lived very comfortably. So I guess that's kinda sad in a sense? Cos we didn't really experience real Vietnamese life, whatever that is.

Ah okay that's about all for Vietnam! I shall end off with a photo of our whole family outside a very pretty Vietnamese fusion food restaurant:

Heh I hope I find my other memory card soon so I can upload my Chiangmai photos. Yay many photos of cute kids!! :D

1:56 PM

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one"- Mother Teresa

5:25 PM

Got this from Sharyn's MSN nick:

Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)
"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

So that's where the phrase mighty to save comes from. Haha our fave P&W song at church camp! Ah the chorus keeps playing over and over in my head. It's such a nice song :D

Mighty to Save- Hillsong Australia
Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus


Yay church camp was really good! After the outpouring session I really feel that my life is different already (:

11:46 AM

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. In love, you express your emotions through actions. Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well! At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

Got back yesterday from Chiangmai and will be off to Vietnam tmr! Omg I have to wake up in 4 hours time to go to the airport k should go off now byeee!

11:59 PM

There is a season for everything, a time for every occupation under heaven:

A time for giving birth,
a time for dying;
a time for planting,
a time for uprooting what has been planted.
A time for killing,
A time for healing;
a time for knocking down,
a time for building.
A time for tears,
a time for laughter;
a time for mourning,
a time for dancing.
A time for throwing stones away,
a time for gathering them;
a time for embracing,
a time to refrain from embracing.
A time for searching,
a time for losing;
a time for keeping,
a time for discarding.
A time for tearing,
a time for sewing;
a time for keeping silent,
a time for speaking.
A time for loving,
a time for hating;
a time for war,
a time for peace.

-- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

8:57 PM

Amanda Chong's 2004 prize-winning Commonwealth essay "What the Modern Woman Wants" has been circulating around through email again. I read the essay in sec 2 but reading it this time with the benefit of greater maturity has really evoked different emotions and I feel I read with much greater understanding and appreciation.

The story is so deeply saddening! The mother prayed very hard that her daughter would have a life different from hers, and yet when her daughter did indeed gain wealth and success this was achieved at such a great cost.

While I did feel that the plot verged a little on the overly dramatic and sentimental, it is, sadly, a very accurate and jarring reflection of society today. There does seem to be a growing lack of filial piety, as seen in the oft-cited example of how parents have to resort to suing their children for financial support in their old age. Even more worrying is this general lack of happiness although all the statistics (standard of living, economic growth rates, number of millionaires in the country etc.) tell us that we have never had it so good before.

"The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes. Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter left the earth everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.

The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there - down."

I think this is a reminder for all of us trying (be it unconsciously or not) to live up to the modern standards of success, that these are really not what matters. We must be careful of losing ourselves in the pursuit of these transient things. It is indeed very sad to be searching for the meaning of life in these dead things (a high-flying job, good paper qualifications, wealth etc.) and to have suck so deep that you cannot even see or understand what is going wrong.

'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda. 'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love,Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her
old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...

Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10% increase!' Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her...
And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.

Ahh I really like the concluding line of the essay. It is written so beautifully. It is so amazing that Amanda Chong was able to write such an insightful essay so fluently and beautifully when she was just 15.

Everybody should read the essay again! Haha I think I just spoilt it quite a bit but nevermind. Read it here.

And I just pray, that even as I am/ we are aware of the sillyness of modern life, that I/ we will be able to extricate ourselves from it. Because it is so, so, so hard to do so. Even though I know all this, I cannot live it out.

I put some of the blame on the school environment and the values the teachers and schoolmates propagate. But at the end of the day it is what I myself make of it isn't it. I am the one who chooses to place the stress on myself to excel. Excel for what reason? When I do stop to ask myself why I realise there is no good reason. But I don't stop and reflect on this often. Competitiveness/ pride/ envy is so deeply ingrained in me. It's part of me, it's my nature. And I hate that about myself.

But of course, human beings are imperfect. We have so many very human weaknesses, which makes our lives on earth so silly. Which is why I guess I just have to keep reminding myself about all of this. Because it just makes me more eager to go up to heaven, where all our weaknesses will be stripped away, and our dirty hearts cleansed and healed.

As for competitiveness/ pride/ envy, all I can do is to ask God to enter my heart and purify it, to change me from within. Which is why this is now one of my fave songs, and I lift it up in prayer:

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

(Chorus)
Refiner's fire
My hearts one desire is to be holy
Set apart for You Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You my master,
Ready to do Your will.

Purify my heart
Cleanse me from within and make my holy
Purify my heart
Cleanse me from my sin, deep within

5:55 PM

A benign dictatorship

Howard French ("China's new paradigm: A thriving dictatorship," Letter from China, Nov. 3) could have been talking about Singapore.

Singapore shows what can happen when long-range planning is executed by a group of men and women carefully chosen by ability without the distractions of special interests.

As an American living in Singapore, I have had the opportunity to see the differences between the United States and Singapore.

Singapore can only be regarded as a benevolent dictatorship, with controlled media, one-party politics and little public debate over public policy.

And yet when compared to America's democracy it is hard to see exactly why this is a bad thing. Democracy in the United States has brought the corrosive influence of big money, public policy shaped for special interests, a voting public that feels disenfranchised, and a government structure so fractured that it is impossible for anyone to substantively address the major issues.

Perhaps the important question is: If the future of the public at large is to be decided, planned and executed by a small group of specialists, then how are those specialists chosen and how do we know that their plans are in alignment with the common good?

Wayne Herbert, Singapore
(A letter from the International Herald Tribune)



Yes, my sentiments exactly!

5:39 PM

The Potter's Hand- Hillsong United

Beautiful Lord, wonderful Saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in Your hands, crafted into Your perfect plan
You gently call me into Your presence guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, mould me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

You gently call me into your presence guiding me by your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live through Your eyes
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

5:33 PM

A really really cute 6-year-old girl who got to the final of Britain's Got Talent. She's apparently really popular in Britain. Here she sings Over The Rainbow at the auditions:



My blog doesn't show embedded videos properly so link to the video is here!

Super cute!!

11:47 PM

Alex Fong is so cute!! He acts in My Family which is showing on channel 8 every night at 7pm, and did you know! He used to be a professional swimmer and represented Hong Kong at the 2000 Olympics! So cool right!

He can sing too! See these! Extreme Love (duet with Stephy Tang), Self-deception (a very nice duet with Theresa Fu), and Hao Hao Lian Ai (another duet with Stephy Tang).

Yay I shall go off to watch more MVs now! :D

9:13 PM

Lunch to celebrate my brother's bday! Yay its such a pretty family photo :D

9:59 PM

Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janerio. One of the new 7 wonders of the world:




So beautiful right! I really want to go there on holiday!

9:45 PM

Aw!

10:14 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPSUrR3ipQc

A very very moving video. It made me cry!

9:57 PM

"If we say we love God, but hate others, we are liars. For we cannot love God, whom we have not seen, if we do not love others, whom we have seen."(1 John 4:20)

10:00 PM

I haven't blogged in a long time cos I've been lazy.

But I am feeling happy and hopeful now cos its a friday night! So I shall blog to remember stuff I learnt today.

At prayer mtg this morning we read The Screwtape Letters again. Today's letter was about love, about how the love we have for others i.e. our parents, friends, is a selfish kind of love. It is very often the case that we love our family and friends because of what they can do for us. This is not true love, this is unlike the unconditional love God has for us.

But how do we come to love unconditionally as God does? Mr Lee said since Jesus said, you must love your neighbour as yourself, before you can love your neighbour properly, you have to first love yourself. Only when you love yourself, can you be comfortable and content with your state in life. Thus you will not love only on the condition of gaining something from the other person. You will be free to be a conduit for God's true love.

I think that this is something I have a v big problem with. I am a perfectionist. This makes life v tiring and difficult for me cos I am always not happy with who I am and what I do. I know my flaws, and I don't like them. I keep wanting to be someone different, someone "better" than what I am now. I am also a v judgemental person, and so I just as I judge others, I judge myself too/ I expect myself to be judged by others.

And so I don't think I really do love unconditionally. I don't think I even understand what it means to love unconditionally, actually. I love my family, but is it because they provide me with food, money, a sense of belonging/ home, and love? I love my friends, but is it just because they are fun to be with and they provide a listening ear? It seems that I love these people only because of what they can provide me.

Even my love for God. Why do I love God anyway? Is it just cos He's always there for me and He helps me in times of need and answers my prayers? Is it because I want to go to heaven? Are these valid reasons for loving God? Should there even be reasons for loving God?

Haha this is getting v depressing. So I think I shall take things one step at a time! I shall work on loving myself first. Yes, I must remember that I am God's special creation, and that He made me this way for a reason! He is the divine Creator so who am I to question/ be discontented with the way I am? Furthermore, God loves me for no reason at all! He loves me just for being me, and that is the most important and the best thing of all! :D

Plus! I must also remember not to wallow in self-pity. If I think more about others than I think about myself I wouldn't have so much time to think about negative things about myself!

Okay this has been a great week! I tried to keep peaceful and zen about things and I think it sort of worked! I shall go off to bed now and look forward to the weekend ahead (:

11:17 PM

Michelle
16/10/1990
08A13A
Rafflestouch
Gavel Club
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SFX Church; Cornerstone

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

08A13A
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{ x } stiletto.love
{ x } Vector 1
{ x } Vector 2